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The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1

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All this for a baby? Two whole movies to celebrate something that's been hinted at and known since Stephenie Meyer first put frilly glitter-infused pen to sparkly, sticker adorned paper? That's right, the tepid Twilight Saga, the very example of the law of diminishing (or in most cases, dead) returns is taking the Harry Potter way out and offering up its inevitable endgame in a pair of preposterous efforts all centering around the offspring of Bella and Edward. Sure, we get the wedding of the weekday and a weird wish fulfillment honeymoon on an isolated Brazilian island (complete with scared, superstitious housekeeper), but in the end, it's all about getting our heroine knocked up, and the reaction everyone has to her fast gestating mutant newborn.

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A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas

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They've battled the munchies and a lack of a reasonably located White Castle franchise. They've taken on W., the War on Terror, and the all things post-9/11. They've even turned Neil Patrick Harris into the first openly gay stud ladies' man in the history of humor. Now, Harold and Kumar are facing a foe more volatile than the guards at Guantanamo Bay, more insidious than the ever-changing drug laws: Santa! As part of the hilarious holiday farce A Very Harold and Kumar (3D) Christmas, our sincere stoner duo must come to terms with some pretty serious sugarplums. Before their night is over, they will take on the Ukrainian mob, a baby high on cocaine, and perhaps the greatest enemy of a good time ever -- adulthood.

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Lady and the Tramp

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Today's kids may find this hard to believe, but Disney used to pride itself on making heartfelt and heartwarming, nee family style, films. Most people under 20 only know Disney as the place where they used to make hand animated...... more »

Fireflies in the Garden

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The domineering dad. The sainted mother. The child of dysfunction who grows up with his own issues and misconstrued memories. We've seen it all before, and while it tries to bring something new to the flawed familial mix, Fireflies in the Garden is too obvious to be effective, to twee to take anything really seriously. Overflowing with unnecessary flashbacks and banking on your eventual need for multiple handkerchiefs, this was clearly viewed as a box office bottom feeder when it was finally readied for release. Made over four years ago, it was shuffled around and reedited before finally arriving on DVD. Some may fall for its manipulative designs. Most will just be angered by its tired tearjerking.

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The Elephant in the Living Room

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In October 2011, a man in Zanesville, Ohio released his menagerie of pets out into the wild...and then killed himself. It wouldn't have been a newsworthy story had he been a simple hoarder of dogs and cats. Instead, Terry Thompson ran an exotic animal farm, and the creatures eventually cornered and put down were lions, tiger, and bears (among many others). The story stirred a nation. It is against this backdrop that documentarian Michael Webber offers The Elephant in the Living Room. Telling a tale not unlike this one, it centers on the lives of two men, public safety officer Tim Harrison and the melancholy Terry Brumfield. The former had a partner die at the paws of a wild animal. The latter keeps two pet lions - Lambert and Lacey - on his backwoods property.

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The Sunset Limited

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Two men are talking in a small room. One is a college professor, a devout atheist, and suicidal. The other is an ex-con, deeply religious, and just recently saved the other's life. They decide to hash things out, break them down into black and white - which seems appropriate since they are indeed  named (or at least referenced as) Black (Samuel L. Jackson) and White (Tommy Lee Jones). Thus we have the set-up for the stage play turned TV movie The Sunset Limited. Written by noted author Cormac McCarthy (The Road, No Country for Old Men), it has been translated into a kind of My Dinner with Angry Andre, a meditation on life, death, humanity, and pain prickling with priceless, perceptive dialogue. If you are looking for insights, this work is overflowing with them. If you want action packed drama, well...

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Anonymous

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Shakespeare-as-fraud is one of the more popular conspiracy theories out there, but please, for the love of God, don't go into Roland Emmerich's Anonymous expecting some kind of enlightenment or, worse, concrete evidence that the naysayers speak truth. Historical value is about the last thing on this movie's mind; it's a lavish, sporadically entertaining soap opera that's remarkable more for its set design than anything else. The movie captures a genuinely stuffy, grimy feel; gone is the glossy romanticism of something like Shakespeare In Love and in its place is a dark, dimly lit U.K. where the slums are squeamishly vibrant and the palace halls are drearily still. The message here, it seems, is that the street urchins tend to have all the fun.

Alas, though, there's two hours of this movie to get through, and apart from that wonderful production design, the rest of it is awfully hit-or-miss. The actors push far and away too hard in their roles; by the time a young Queen Elizabeth I (Joely Richardson) screeches "I LOVE HIM!!!!" in another character's face, it's clear that the movie -- as is Emmerich's wont, since he's the thinking man's Michael Bay -- has more or less checked any pretensions of subtlety at the door (Anonymous's clever framing device actually does provide a reasonable context for some of its hammier moments, but still). The movie, though admirably ambitious, is also too long by about a half an hour. Its plot is a huge, ungainly thing that jumps back and forth through time (including brief excursions into the present day), breaches the fourth wall, and attempts to combine historical drama and sweeping, forbidden romance set against a tale of political intrigue and deceit.

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Project Nim

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The story told in James Marsh's new documentary Project Nim is essentially an outsider's tale, with the typical character of the socially awkward genius or abandoned gentle-heart replaced here by the eponymous chimpanzee, yanked from his mother's arms and tossed almost...... more »

Drive

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If deception is indeed an artform, then Drive is its Mona Lisa. It's a deliberately paced cruise through the electric life of a stunt man/getaway car ace where nothing is what it seems and very little plays out the way you expect. In the hands of the devious Danish director Nicolas Winding Refn (responsible for the equally engaging Bronson and Valhalla Rising), it's a brutal, bravura shock, an unexpected thrill outside the firecrackers exploding onscreen.  While some may consider it noir, it's far nastier than that. In truth, it's more like the rot revealed whenever the layers of La-La Land are pared away. From Chinatown to LA Confidential, this is another stunning example of the City of Angels as a den of demons -- and the one noble man who decides to wallow through it all.

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In Time

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When science fiction thrives, when it transports you into a brave new world of intriguing, complicated ideas, it's terrific. It's the rare cinematic genre that can be both illuminating and uplifting. Drama can pull at your heartstrings and comedy can tickle your funny bone, but nothing caters to the brain better than future shock speculation. Perhaps this is why the latest from Gattaca god Andrew Niccol, In Time, fails. It doesn't do anything for mind, body, or spirit. Instead, it offers Justin Timberlake as a brooding semi-action hero, Amanda Seyfried in a horrible pageboy haircut, and Cillian Murphy as the Agent Smith substitute. Along the way, some interesting concepts are carted out, only to be undermined by limp direction and sparse storytelling.

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The Thing (2011)

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The original was best known as the Howard Hawks fluke that featured future Gunsmoke star James Arness as a killer carrot from outer space. A few decades later, John Carpenter revisited the material and, along with the brilliant work of F/X wizard Rob Bottin, turned it into one of the greatest Grand Guignol geek shows ever. So naturally Hollywood can't leave well enough alone, but instead of going the remake route, they've decided to highlight how The Thing and its shapeshifting splatter came to visit itself upon Kurt Russell and his rogue's gallery of South Pole suspects. This new film, also called The Thing, is therefore one of those dreaded "prequels," an attempt to tie back to the source without totally ruining the ride for everyone. Matthijs van Heijningen Jr., the newcomer behind the lens, almost pulls it off. Sadly, the lack of a solid script -- and any significant scares -- does him in.

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The Big Year

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Bird watching...sorry, "birding," is evidently the latest twist in the attempt to jumpstart the high concept comedy. Apparently, a simple sense of humor is not enough. While based on a true story -- who could make this kind of thing up? -- and the book The Big Year: A Tale of Man, Nature and Fowl Obsession by Mark Obmascik, what we really have here is an attempt to marry an obvious life metaphor to a trio of potential comedy kings. Unfortunately, no matter how hard they try, Steve Martin, Jack Black, and Owen Wilson come across as constipated, not clever. Indeed, in the arena of good ideas gone flawed and fractured, The Big Year is mostly small and insignificant.

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The Other F Word

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During the 1980s and 90s, a small, well-known collection of California punk rockers played hard, partied harder, and lived for the moment. Then before they knew it, and beyond even their own expectations, these guys actually lived past age 30 and continued to make a living playing music, decades after they started. With not much punk precedent for such a situation, and no irony intended, many of them then ended up sharing another trait: They all became dads. This evolution of some of our most devolved artists is at the bare-knuckled crux of Andrea Blaugrund Nevins's irresistible backstage documentary, a film that transcends the rock doc genre to become something very special, a broader commentary on the importance of parenting. 

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Dream House

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Good news, film fans. The much debated trailer for this Jim Sheridan helmed thriller (more on that name in a moment) does not give away the big plot twist of this proposed fright fest. Indeed, there are actually three of said surprises during this tale of a man who may or may not be losing his mind. Will Atenton (Daniel Craig) has just left his job as an editor for a high powered publisher in order to spend more time in the country with his wife Libby (Rachel Weisz) and his two precocious daughters. Unfortunately, the title abode he just bought turns out to be the murder home of one Peter Ward, the scene of a grizzly triple homicide that left said the aforementioned's spouse and two young children dead, and their proposed killer institutionalized. more »

Texas Killing Fields

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First, Jennifer Lynch (David's daughter) tried to thrill us with her 2008 serial killer effort Surveillance. About the best thing anyone can say about it is that it's a whole lot better than her feature debut, the completely bugnuts Boxing Helena. Now Michael Mann's child Ami is out to try and accomplish the same thing. With Texas Killing Fields, some of the same crime territory is mined, and sadly, some of the same moviemaking mistakes are present. If interested film fans want to know what to expect from Ms. Mann, the answer is...nothing much at all. While initially compelling, the results eventually fall apart like so many initial police profiles.

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Janie Jones

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Listen, if you're going to name check a great punk band like The Clash, you better be ready to deliver, and while David M. Rosenthal's rock road picture Janie Jones doesn't directly deal with the former 'only band that matters,'  it has the same solid independent spirit . This is a movie about people, placed in a standard situation, that transcends its type by being smart, spry, and sensitive. Featuring a career crossroads turn by Little Miss Sunshine's Abigail Breslin and equally good work from Alessandro Nivola, what we wind up with is a tale of absentee parenting placed inside the mechanics of the same old riches to ragtag reality.

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You and I

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The very existence of a movie like You and I is completely baffling. It's a Russian production inspired by the music of faux-lesbian Russian pop duo t.A.T.u., directed by British Oscar nominee Roland Joffé, based on a novel by a Russian politician and starring American actors Mischa Barton, Shantel VanSanten and Anton Yelchin. Shot in 2007, it premiered at the Cannes Film Market in 2008 and finally makes its way direct to DVD in the U.S. in 2012, at least five years since anyone here has cared about the disposable music and fabricated image of t.A.T.u.
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The Double

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There are some films that should never have been made. Films of this ilk range from those with unsalvageable, inept writing to those that are a draft away from a shootable script. The Double qualifies for two other, related reasons: gross miscasting (primarily) and directing incapable of overcoming the former. This is what you get when you're less than judicious about putting a movie package together.

The story starts off with the street murder of a US senator whose corpse bears the slit-throat signature of a fearsome, legendary Soviet assassin named "Cassius." The only wrinkle in the FBI's analysis of the tell-tale signs is that retired veteran agent Paul Shepherdson (Richard Gere, Amelia) was credited with killing Cassius back in Russia's KGB days. Nice premise so far, with the promise of much intrigue and mystery ahead. Trouble is... it's all downhill from here.

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The Mill & The Cross

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There are few films released in theaters that defy traditional review. Neatly packaged summations intended to outline plot and satisfy reader expectations ought to be rendered moot. There are some types of films that simply require extensive criticism, not because they contain crushing insight or are so intellectually high-brow so as to be interpreted inscrutable. Rather, these cinematic explorations are devoid of conventional plot, and thus, confound and (when done well) presumably linger. The challenged viewer is compelled into greater excavation from within. His perception shaken, he seeks tangible remedies: historical research, philosophical readings, or, at the very least, impassioned post-screening discussion. The film initiates. And the viewer engages in an age-old dialogue.

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Real Steel

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Real Steel is the cinematic equivalent of a hyper, panting, slobbery dog. It practically mauls the audience in an unabashed plea for undying love. In a souped-up, mad-cap, over-emoted epic kind of way, the film unsteadily teeters on the brink of unmitigated disaster for over two hours of metal-clanging robo-fighting and teary-eyed human melodrama. And yet at times it is so hard to deny this unfortunate little battle brawler of a movie. On the surface, it's a Michael Bay-wannabe. But whereas a genuine Michael Bay film would jam its blunt-force testosterone into our consciousness without much care for audience reaction, Real Steel is just a pathetic, uncoordinated mutt on the inside. I tried my best to show it some sympathy even as it just bounded across the screen like a lumbering robot.

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