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Fans of the former Grey's Anatomy star needn't worry -- Katherine Heigl's self-guided descent into career irrelevance continues unabated with the god-awful crime rom-com One for the Money. After equally appalling efforts like 27 Dresses, Life as We Know It, and The Ugly Truth, the Knocked Up beauty is here adapting mystery writer Janet Evanovich's popular character Stephanie Plum in a combination of uncouth Jersey Shore shrillness and overwritten narrative tripe.
While still in 'sisters are doing it for themselves' mode (Heigl produces as pal Julie Anne Robinson directs with Liz Brixius, Stacy Sherman, Karen Ray scribbling the screenplay), our lead struggles to make sense of her motives, her goals...and her accent. Indeed, Heigl is so inauthentic as a dour, down on her luck "Joisey" girl that you half expect the movie to pause, claiming that everything you've seen so far is some manner of elaborate star turn joke.
With her status as a single woman threatening her bank balance and a recent bout of unemployment to make things even more desperate, our pert Ms. Plum decides to take a job with her sleazoid cousin Vinnie (Patrick Fischler). He runs a bail bonds business and agrees to make her an enforcement agent. Of course, she has no discernible skills for the position, but what the heck -- she's family and it's a paycheck.Eventually, she is put on the case of a disgraced cop named Joe Morelli (Jason O'Mara) who is wanted for murder. They have a high school past together. He claims he is innocent. All she wants is the $50K bounty. Eventually, Ms. Plum must ask for the help of seasoned skip tracer Ranger (Daniel Sunjata) as well as prove her ex-flame was framed...or something like that.
Even with Heigl's perky presence, One for the Money is a snoozefest. It's a wordy walk through too many plot contrivances and a collection of daffy characters that may have come to life on the printed page, but curl up and die once they hit the big screen. Clearly aimed at those already invested in Stephanie Plum's escapades and the author who brought them to life, it's the cinematic equivalent of a kid's clubhouse, a brightly painted sign on the door warning "No Non-Fans Allowed." We are supposed to see moxie and spirit in our heroine's resolve. All we really get is the feeling of a floundering actress trying to luck into a long lasting film franchise.
Sadly, One for the Money may be the sole entry in Evanovich's page to production dynamic (there are 18 other books -- 18!). It's too goofy to be taken seriously, too serious to allow one to enjoy its hyperactive eccentricities. When we see the delightful Debbie Reynolds as Plum's irreverent grandma, we expect more than just superficial sass. Similarly, supporting players like John Leguizamo (as a gym owner named Jimmy Alpha) and Sherri Shepherd (as golden hearted hooker Lulu) are given little to do. Indeed, this is Heigl's ride, and we are forced to sit through every middling mile of it.
Part of the blame falls squarely on Ms. Robinson's shoulders. As anyone who saw the miserable Miley Cyrus offering The Last Song can attest, this is one subpar filmmaker. One for the Money lacks zip and energy. It substitutes chaos and frenzy for drive and spirit. This is the kind of movie that needs to get us invested in the lead, her issues, and her ultimate aims. Cement that, and we'll follow Stephanie Plum anywhere. In book form, we clearly have a character worth revisiting over and over again. With One for the Money, the first word of the title indicates the number of future installments warranted...or wanted.
