The school where singing sensations Alvin (the brash one), Simon (the brainy one), and Theodore (the fat one) find themselves enrolled is actually a high school, their experience as talking and singing animals apparently good for several elementary school credits. They attend less out of a desire to rise above their wild nature than out of a desire to follow the wishes of their legal guardian Dave (Jason Lee), who is laid up in the hospital after his latest slapstick adventure with the Chipmunks brings him closer than ever to the sweet release of death. The Chipmunks are left in the care of Dave's cousin Toby (Zachary Levi); his relationship with his rodents-in-law is defined more as awkward slacker indifference than the mutual abuse suffered by Dave and his pet sons.
The clumsy bonding with Cousin Toby is just one of many weak reiterations of subplots past, from both the original Chipmunks movie and every movie about terrible fresh-faced musicians ever made. The Chipmunks get involved with a benefit concert to save the school's music program by raising $25,000. You may wonder why they, as internationally famous rock stars, don't have $25,000 to donate themselves, until you remember that they're on a major label and probably still owe the record company several hundred grand.
Their competition for this event comes not from any humans playing regular-sized instruments or writing their own songs, but from the Chipettes, a girl-group version of our heroes, right down to their creepily matching color schemes, outfits, and body types. The Chipettes were a staple of later incarnations of the Chipmunks cartoon on TV, where their rivalry (and, I can't believe I'm saying this, romantic tension) with their male counterparts felt a little more sustained. Here, they're just fuzzy pawns used by Ian (David Cross), the Chipmunks' former manager from the last movie, now hell bent on dishing out the cruelest revenge possible: Singing-animal revenge. I hope for Ian's sake that he at least considers simple glue traps for the next squeakuel.
Seeing as how this series is a half-assed, low-budget enterprise trading on children's endless appetite for talking animals, I also have a suggestion for further cost-trimming: Stop paying name actors to have their voices sped up beyond recognition in order for them to 'play' talking chipmunks. I strained for most of the movie to hear even the slightest woozy tone of the wonderful comic actress Anna Faris from lead Chipette Brittany, until the end credits informed me that Brittany was actually performed by Christina Applegate. Apparently, Faris actually plays Jeanette, and equally wonderful comic actress Amy Poehler vocalizes Eleanor; they all sound the same and the supposed presence of these voices feels like a game to keep parents distracted from thoughts of sending their children to an orphanage to avoid future Chipmunk features.
Then again, pointlessly voicing a chipmunk is a better gig than actually appearing in these films. Jason Lee gets to opt out of all but a few strained scenes, leaving fellow NBC employee Levi stranded as the ineffectual chipmunk caregiver. These movies have the unique ability to make every character, real or animated, seem as if they're acting against a brick wall. Only David Cross escapes with a measure of dignity, due to his ability to put a double-sarcastic spin on lines like 'what part of female singing chipmunks do they not understand?' -- he provides a semi-secret running commentary on his obvious paycheck gig. Director Betty Thomas, who at least has made a few decent comedies like The Brady Bunch Movie, neglects to provide one of her own. The screenwriters, including a Simpsons vet who should know better, might as well keep quiet about whose idea it was to make shouting random pop-culture catchphrases Alvin's primary characteristic. In other words: Talk to the hand, screenwriters! Macarena on the lot of you!
Kids will probably enjoy The Squeakquel in the same sense that they probably enjoy commercials for breakfast cereal; the movie is silly, easy to understand if you don't have a strong sense of logic, and, yeah, a little bit cute (I admit that I like the idea of the Chipmunks bonding by watching Meerkat Manor). But if parents can lead the resistance and steer their kids away, all the better. The best you can hope for in actually watching this movie is a lesson in just how little effort a major motion picture can require.
