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Aria

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Christopher Null
Christopher Null founded Filmcritic.com in 1995.
Every decade or so, those wacky independents try this stunt -- getting a bunch of Big Name Directors together to make a collaborative movie. Invariably, it sucks (see Lumiere and Company), but rarely does it suck so hard as it does in Aria.

The conceit this time: Each director takes a piece of classical music and sets it to film -- mostly without dialogue and invariably without any sense whatsoever.

Examples: Naked women fawn over/threaten to stab sweaty bodybuilders. Buck Henry and wife cheat on each other unknowingly. Naked Elizabethans watch a play. Bridget Fonda (naked) romps in a Vegas hotel then commits suicide with her man. There is a clown with a drum. Elizabeth Hurley makes her (naked) screeen debut.

We applaud all this nakedness, we really do -- but seriously, do vanity projects like this really need to be made? Don't we all have better things to do?

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