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The Candy Snatchers

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Christopher Null
Christopher Null founded Filmcritic.com in 1995.
I love to hate exploitation movies as much as anybody, but The Candy Snatchers is so hateful that it's not even fun. If you need proof that a Playboy Playmate alone does not a good movie make, look no further than this train wreck.

The film starts with promise, sort of. A young girl is kidnapped for ransom, buried alive with a tube sticking out of the ground for air. The crooks (including our Playmate, Tiffany Bolling) want a pile of diamonds as ransom. But they didn't count on a witness! A mute little kid (we'd call him autistic today) who can offer vital clues. Oh, if only he could communicate!

I'll forego the rest of the plot synopsis, as there's really no point in revisiting this morass of '70s excrement. Director Guerdon Trueblood (story credit for Jaws 3-D) has all the moves of the era down, from the blown-out lighting to the late-in-the-movie nudity designed to return our attention to the screen after it's long since wandered off to thoughts of our dishes piling up, or where we might go on our next vacation.

Sorry, it doesn't even work as camp.

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