How will Three to Tango be remembered?

Maybe as another Matthew Perry star vehicle where he doesn’t come off as particularly funny? Maybe as another Neve Campbell movie where she sounds whiny and unlikable? Or perhaps it will be as a borderline offensive straight-guy-mistaken-as-gay movie, heavy on the cliches and light on the laughs.

Of course, Three to Tango is all of these things. It’s one of the flattest romantic comedies this year, a variation on the mistaken identity theme that already feels old, despite its watery “fresh twist” on the love triangle genre.

The story: McDermott is a billionaire tycoon who’s looking to build a philanthropic museum. Platt and Perry are a team of architects on the short list to do the work. Will they get the job? Well, McDermott thinks Perry is gay, so he enlists him to “watch over” his mistress, Campbell, who is attracting many a wandering eye. Uh –oh! Perry falls for Campbell, who also thinks he’s gay. What’s a girl to do!?

Let me stop right there. Exactly what you think is going to happen, happens. There’s scarcely a moment of surprise in the entire picture, with the exception of a few minor characters who provide comic relief. Platt, as the genuine homosexual, is also a riot when he’s allowed to stretch, but that’s not very often. Everything else, from Perry’s attempts to tell Mom and Dad he’s not really gay, to his Big Speech in Public where he reveals the truth, is utterly predictable. And neither romantic nor comedic. Pass on this one.

How will Three to Tango be remembered? It won’t.



But only one to mambo.