You'd better pop an extra bowl of popcorn. You're going to be here a while. A three-hour epic that falls into the category of "they don't make 'em like this anymore," The Sand Pebbles is a military epic that takes place in 1926 China, following a U.S. warship upriver into the tumult of Chinese history. Ever heard the phrase "gunboat diplomacy?" This is where it comes from.

Directed by Robert Wise on the heels of his success with The Sound of Music, the movie shows off Wise's attraction to lavish scenery, a crowd of interesting characters, and the drama of fighting off seemingly unbeatable threats. He's helped by the presence of Steve McQueen, who stars as Jake Holman (whole man?), a sullen sailor who arrives aboard the U.S.S. San Pueblo to serve as the engine expert. It's a job that suits him well. He functions best alone and is happiest in the bowels of the ship tending to the massive engine and talking to it as if it were a sensitive woman. Assisting him is loyal and eager Chinese coolie Po-Han (Mako), who sees working for the Americans as a ticket to a better life. Although Holman pisses off just about everyone, including the uptight Captain Collins (Richard Crenna), his skills can't be denied.

The San Pueblo's mission is to patrol the Yangtze and protect Western economic interests and missionaries from increasing political and military chaos. China seethes along the riverbank, and the sailors make great sport of shooting at the Chinese with fire hoses. For their part, the hordes of jeering Chinese seem to enjoy it too. The crew is uneasy about the mission, and their "why are we here?" questions resonate through history to Vietnam and Iraq. The captain, however, just continues to operate in Cheney mode, full steam ahead and ignoring the chaos closing in on all sides.

Wise also manages to squeeze in two love stories, one between Holman and a virginal American missionary named Shirley (the lovely 19-year-old Candice Bergen), and one between rough-and-tumble sailor Frenchy (Richard Attenborough) and a local prostitute (Emmanuelle Arsan) who he eventually has to buy at auction in order to secure her freedom.

All of this moves a long a bit slowly (if it were remade today there would be far more explosions), but things heat up when China begins to melt down, with local skirmishes between warlords blending in with Communist uprisings and nationalist raids. As the crew watches from the ship, they literally can't tell who's fighting whom, and neither can the Chinese, who run one way and then turn around and run the other way. It's like Baghdad on the Yangtze. One unlucky victim is Po-Han, who is deemed a traitor to the motherland and hauled off the ship, strung up, and tortured with swords in a searing scene. (Personal aside: I saw this scene after school one day on the 4 o'clock movie when I was about nine, and it traumatized me. I didn't know what movie it was, but I never forgot it. Seeing it again more than 30 years later traumatized me all over again. Occupational hazard I guess.)

Shot on location in Taiwan and Hong Kong (China wasn't available at the time), The Sand Pebbles is big and scenic, without a special effect in sight. McQueen is magnetic and earned his only Oscar nomination for his performance. There's lots to see, but you may feel the urge to fast-forward once in a while during the first two hours to keep your interest up.



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