Between Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire and The Men Who Stare at Goats, moviegoers have their awkward, linguistic work cut out for them when asking for a ticket at their local Cineplex this weekend.

But don't judge this one by its title, The Men Who Stare at Goats is one heck of a film. Quirky as all get-out but incredibly funny, it's perhaps the funniest war movie since Stripes.

The story -- claiming to be "more true than you'd believe" -- almost defies description. Bouncing forward and back through time, we're introduced to a cast of rascally characters in the '80s-era U.S. Army, centered around Bill Django (Jeff Bridges), a hippie hired by the army as part of a scheme to create "psychic soldiers" which Bill fashions as "Jedis." Using uncharacteristic training methods -- think free dancing and LSD -- Lyn Cassady (George Clooney) becomes Bill's star pupil.

Alas, the program doesn't get all that far, and it's ultimately shut down before any good wars come along. That brings us into the movie's present -- where we find befuddled reporter Bob Wilton (Ewan McGregor) twiddling his fingers in Kuwait as the first Gulf War rages. He can't get into Iraq (a ploy to prove himself to his wife, who has dumped him for his one-armed boss), and randomly encounters a now-washed-up Lyn, who's headed into Iraq on a mission of his own. What follows is the most absurd buddy/road movie ever as the pair encounter a series of disastrous situations, all while Bob is indoctrinated into the way of the Jedi.

Of course, anyone familiar with the Star Wars prequels will have no trouble seeing the irony of a baffled McGregor asking what a Jedi is, and the movie's tomfoolery doesn't stop there. Clooney attempts to dazzle his terrorist captors using the "sparkly eye" technique (and it sort of works). Larry Hooper's (Kevin Spacey) fierce rivalry with Lyn results in his application of the "touch of death." And of course there's Bridges' Django, whose pony tail makes him the army's least menacing officer ever.

Structurally this all comes together a little randomly, and Goats (the name involves the Jedis' ability to stop the heart of an animal just by staring at it) is ultimately more interested in poking fun at military and New Age matters and having a good time than saying anything of real substance. That's OK. The Army has taken its share of ribbing before, and Goats doesn't need to add anything to the extant complaints about wastefulness, bad management, and the general absurdity of the military. It's all been said before. Instead, Goats focuses on its central characters -- and Clooney again steals the show completely -- and crafts a clever, if slight, little tale around this handful of kooks.

How much of this is actually true is almost beside the point. Look into my eyes. I compel you to stop thinking about it.



Squat thrusts, everybody.