Jesus, when I went to the movies today I didn’t know I was going to have to think!

Mike Figgis, the genius behind Leaving Las Vegas, has put together one dense piece of celluloid here, his first outing since One Night Stand tanked last year.

What’s it about? With roughly 300 words of dialogue in the entire film, that’s hard to say. Julian Sands, a Figgis standby, plays Nic, a troubled filmmaker (I think), who may be married to a blonde woman, with whom he has a child. He may also be having an affair with a character played by Burrows, billed only as “Twins,” who just so happens to have a twin sister (also Burrows) that looks different.

Nic sees his life in frequent flashback at ages 5, 12, and 16 (where he has a fling with MacDonald), and his hair goes from blonde to brown to blonde again.

And then there’s this whole Adam & Eve and the getting-kicked-outta-the-Garden of Eden bit, which is some kind of allegory for Nic’s life.

It explains the title, but not the movie. I left thoroughly confused, though Figgis obviously put some work into crafting a luscious film a la Antonioni (I don’t understand his films either), and since I recognize Figgis’s brilliance I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt here. The ending actually makes sense, despite all this runaround, but it’s not exactly a feel-good movie, if you catch my drift.

Anyway, next time, Mike, try a little more dialogue. Voices are good. You’ll either love this movie or hate it – I put it right at three.