Would that I had listened to my gut instead of Lost in Space’s flashy trailer, one of the best promos for a bad movie (see also: Alien: Resurrection, Cliffhanger) to come along in some time.

Where to start with my complaints about this movie? Is it Akiva Goldsman’s ridiculous script that attempts to jam as many fall-down-howlingly-bad lines into two hours as possible? Actors who obviously realize its qualities and spend the time mumbling them beneath their breath? A ridiculous little creature called Blorp (or Gleep, or whatever) that’s sole purpose seems to be to sell toys? The time travel plot that takes over half-way through the film and makes you long for the oh-so-logical days of The Terminator and Back to the Future? Hell, The Jetsons paints a more realistic view of the future...

Lost in Space may ultimately be an insult to your intelligence, but it is an insult with good special effects. But with a big-screen TV, you can wait for that HBO premiere instead of shelling out cash for this loser.

Lost in Space? I wish they’d never found it....



Rollergirl gets her comeuppance.