Fan Mail Page 3...
Love mail... Missed Our Chance, Drat "Aloha CHRIS, Hey you! Had a great time at the beach cabin! You wouldn’t believe what I am planning to do – Yeah I am going to go fishing on a private boat on the 14th. Met some girls they have room from two more, wanna come to Hawaii and go fishing on a boat? I know how much you love boats! Anyway – I made some changes on my critic of The Perfect Storm and thought you might like to read it from a different point of view. The Perfect Storm brought up a lot of memories, feeling, and thoughts for me. My review has a mix of some of things I thought about. Here is how I viewed the movie - July 10, 2000 Midsummer - I saw the big wave and the little boat poster at the Movie Theater. I love the ocean in real life and have had a deep personal relationship with it. Some deep internal force draws me to it. I feel this pull to the shoreline sometimes stronger than others, but the big wave in the poster is what caught my eye. I did not know what the movie was really going to be about when I first watched it, nor did I care who was in it. I have never watched a movie to see the Actors, only to watch the movie. I love big waves crashing on the shoreline and watch surfing movies. I love to swim and play in the ocean flat or with waves. I love the water and I am a water girl. After seeing the movie I almost felt like it was made just for my pleasure and it brought up so many memories from my past I decided to see it over and over again. I have been on a long cold streak for entertainment e.g. movies/ TV, other than young children's Entertainment as I have been intensely studying to be a Kindergarten teacher and left my surfing- wave loving life behind. Although I live one block away from the ocean I was not able to visit it, as much I would like to while I was studying to be a teacher. This summer was the first time I really got to swim again and train - It felt so wonderful and I was so proud after I swam my first mile. That old love was back in my heart and I was excited to see the movie with that one big 130-foot wave. I loved the movie. I enjoyed the rock and roll, the nasty bar scene, and the "look' that all the guys were making in there eyes. I have always loved men and this movie had a lot of them. It had been awhile since I had even been around the male species, at work and school there are not many guys working with young children. Seeing that I had been concentrating on my work and now on a break, I enjoyed the men in the movie, it turned me on. The women in the movie were interesting - not that I would want to been in there shoes - I would never live above a bar, or be a bartender I don't drink I don’t go into bars, clubs to meet men. What a thrill to see stuff I wouldn't do. The bar scene brought up memories of my life before my intense relationship with the ocean waves. One that had made me sober and changed my live. In my early twenties I was struggling to be a lead guitarist and playing in many clubs, bars, concert halls and spent a lot of time in a basement studio band. Working in clubs can get pretty raunchy and money can get really tight if you don't keep your day job. When I lost my day job I did a geographic to Hawaii and that is when I was drawn to the shoreline. My first year in Hawaii I worked as a guitar teacher and a salesgirl, I decided to give up my dream of being a musician and start a career-life style change. I had enough of starving. Those were the hardest most desperate days of my live. I came to Hawaii with .35 in my pocket and struggled to make ends meet most of my time since I have been here. Now of course I have made it thought the really rough part and I recently looked back and took the first real break I have had in years. Once during my transition when I was struggling – I was offered a job to work for a fishing company. That is one of those side plots that came up for me after I saw the movie. Like the scene when the fisherman were collecting their paychecks, in the warehouse – That warehouse looked just like the one I had been in. MY story is if you could relate it to the movie's plot had some similar touches. Greedy company powers looking for cheep, hard manual labor. I had lost recently lost my jobs as a guitar teacher and salesgirl and was in process of applying and looking for a new job. I was still a beautiful girl and I managed to meet a wealthy owner of a fishing company. I had no way to pay my rent or buy food for that month so I was out on the streets hustling hoping to God that I would find a new job before the end of the month when rent was due. The wealth owner took me to his very expensive home in the best neighborhood in Hawaii to introduce me to his friends and show me were he lived. Then when I explained that I was looking for work he offered me a job, and a place to sleep - in the warehouse with the fish freezers and next to the little office with all the paperwork, sort of like that table in the movie. I was in so much shame but might have taken the job if I didn't walk over to a restaurant and get hired as a waitress that afternoon. I needed to eat. What can I say? Well I think struggling and surviving is a good thing to watch for those of us who have done it. Today my financial advisor asks, "Ginny how did you manage to do so well." Today I am excellent at saving money; because I learned to buy only the things I need and save the rest. Today I am about 1/2 way to reaching my ultimate goals financially and think I could be very rich someday if I really wanted to. Over the years I have had no having time for spending money and I have worked hard and saved for my future. So you see when I watched the movie I let my mind read between the lines, let myself feel and reflect. I wouldn't waist my time watching a movie that did have my interests. Next, I had a flash back of my Teenage years relating too the scene when the men were starting and doing the fishing and they turned on the rock and roll music. Back then I was "ROCK WOMAN" and wild, I was 'one of da boys' and I loved to watch and play music with them – The scene when the fishermen were fighting and fishing it reminded me of the my old band buddies. Yeah we were a young, rowdy bunch and the rock music set me off, it always has - being an ex-rock musician that I was. Don’t worry I have mellowed out a lot since those rock and roll days. Back then I use to think all there was to life was sex, drugs, and rock and roll, eat sleep and money! Well, not so much the drugs but you can't say that unless you say drugs! But we did like to party! It really turned me on see the boys fight, argue, work and get hurt through out the movie. What fun! Fantasies about the men in the movie - ok I admit I did. But I can justify it – I am single mother and have been doing nothing but working, going to school and taking care of my daughter for the past 5 years. I haven’t had anything to do with men, so seeing these men it was a real treat. I had never seen George Clooney, Mark Walhberg or any of the actors before or even heard about them. I don't watch TV often and never have cared about the "Stars." I only read about ones that were somehow important to me - e.g. Princess Diane, and many male and female rock musicians in my past career. But other than that I just enjoy entertainers from a far - Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, Mr. Bean - I like adventure and comedy I guess. See I am learning so much about myself I never stopped to think about. When George Clooney was delivering those lines about how romantic being a swordfish captain was I was hooked by his voice and could read his body language in that seat of his. I know what I would have done if I was with him alone in that little steering room. I wouldn't just stand there. Opps something just struck me and excitement (sexual) blasted through me. Don’t want to get off on to a fantasy here might not finish my story. I'll do it later. He had really turned me on from the movie - I came home thinking and saying 'Ohhh captain take me fishing!' A side note about tracking the stars - Whoo I was standing by Patrick Swayees when he was learning to surf for the movie POINT BREAK. The movie crew was set up at my regular surfing spot. Pat was learning to surf in my favorite surf spot. The lifeguards blocked off the beach and said I had to surf off to the side that day. Thoughts about Hollywood came up for me after the movie – when I realized that I wanted to find out more about the actors in the movie. I was extremely attracted to them. I have been to in Hollywood once or twice back when I kid and later when I was a guitarist. I was checking out Hollywood/ LA GIT and club circuit with my friends. I had a lot of talent playing, singing and modeling – but the business side got to be too complicated for me. I didn't see the big picture so I did not know what direction to take. Hollywood was way too dangerous for me even though I had managed to make some good friends and had a few connections. The song sharks and con artist stories were way too scary for me. I really thought I was going to make it BIG TIME because I had my goals in mind and was shooting for them. Unfortunately, without business experience I made some poor moves. I still think I would have made it BIG TIME if I could redo the business side now. But I gave up my dreams and of being a musician. I could pick it up again and probably get back into it, but I need to practice a few months before I could walk right in and do my thing. Something to think about. When I saw the movie I saw the motley crew (crew) doing what motley crews do to make money Struggle and at any cost to risk there lives. I am not that extreme myself and would not take a job on a boat to fish. But I am the outdoors type and in one of my computer searches for a new career I entered in the data and I would make a beautiful ship captain. I laughed at that but obviously never tried it. Big waves however, I have had a relationship with the big ones and a feel for the ocean as I was a boogie boarder, swimmer and lifeguard for many years. I lived near the shore in Hawaii for the past 15+ years so that relationship with the ocean is possible. The scene in the movie when the fisherman man went over board was exciting to watch and I thought it was cool to see a rescue. I enjoyed the scene following the rescue as well because it reminded me of my First responder instincts. Also a side story - I rescued a surfer once and paddled him back to shore - He was not at all grateful, I guess his ego was bruised being rescued by a female boogie boarder. When I saw him he was being pounded and drilled by the waves and waving for help. The lifeguards were to far away to see him so I started wave for them; they didn’t see me either. I managed to get in between the sets, throw him on my boogie board and paddle him back to shore. His surfboard was half way down the beach. Hey he could have thanked me but he just coughed up water, got up and stomped down the beach to get his surfboard. He-he, he was mad. The near drowning scenes well I enjoyed them to seeing the rescues. I have a natural instinct for someone in trouble in the sea. I could spot it or feel it when I was on the beach watching the surfers. My instincts are never wrong. I always seemed to know when someone was in trouble. Fear of the deep - I have a strong and reoccur dreams of surviving in the ocean after being caught out at sea. I don't go in boats or too far from shore. I don't trust them. I have not been willing to look those fears in the face and over come them by doing. Maybe some day I will. In my family history, past generations, many family members drowned (about 30 –50) when a freak storm blow up and capsized their boat. It happened somewhere in Texas during a family reunion. I don't know the exact details of the story but only know I was born with a natural instinct to survive in the water and became a strong swimmer. I think family spirits are calling to me to save them. When I think about the spiritual world of the dead, in my mind I can feel them in my heart when I swim. You mentioned the greed of the crew after the ice machine broke - well I'm not that greedy I would have let the fish rot. But I am sober and those guys weren't to sober were they? At first I thought it was a thrill to watch the boat and crew get drilled and pounded by the surf then the 130 foot wave threw them “over the falls.” That scene brought back memories of the time I decided to surf Waimea Shore break when it was 5 feet. My buddy was teaching me how to get tube rides. I finally gave up after about 5 or 6 times over the falls. I could have broke my neck but walked away – smarter – I don’t do that break anymore. It was fun to see a boat go over the falls! I was hoping it would pop back up! The scene when Mark W. was floating in the ocean – I thought wow, there is that nightmare of mine and now I am watching it on film. Most of my life I have had a reoccurring nightmare of near drowning, being out at sea floating in the water waiting for a rescue. Like a think and feel in my dream, I was thinking Mark do the survival floats, swim, stay a float, don't drown. I guess anybody would think that if they were in that situation and the men who drowned probably did. When the Helicopter/ search party came back, I had a last hope for them to find him. I thought they were going to. Damm he could have survived, I always manage in to make it make to shore in my dreams. The following scene back on shore, Diana’s dreams her line "there are no good-byes, there is only love." That was a great one liner - for those of us who have lost our love ones in real life. I'm a widow in real life so I could relate to that to. I guess any movie with that scene; "GHOST" would make me cry. It’s true for me that there was only love and no good-byes. My late husband and I never said goodbye - there was only love. I'm ready to move on now but am still effected by that tender moment. Yeah I take The Perfect Storm seriously - I opened me up like a can of tuna, no pun intended. I guess you’re lucky if you managed to build up some much tolerance to the films in the theaters. Like drugs I have no tolerance. Well Chris, that’s it! Hope you liked my personal review of The Perfect Storm. I could go on because even more came up for me, but I will spare you all the details. If you want to talk to me about anything - please feel free to write. Hope to hear from you soon! Aloha," Ginny So Where's Our Milk-Bone? "A couple months ago, I wrote that I was displeased with your reviews. Well I take it back. I have seen over three thousand movies in my short life span of nineteen years, and i would say 'this site offers and accurate in depth synposis of the movies that are profiled.' Good Job!!!!!!!!!!!! P.S. I really enjoy the way you critique and discuss each movie" - Adam Another Bone to Chew On "It's refreshing to see at least one critic has called High Fidelity the way it is - boring. It's not really bad, just long spells of nothing cinematic. You are right, there is no chemistry between the lead actors, and further, why am I bothered with their trivial problems. I need a bone to chew on and the only bone served up here are all the bone heads who classified this movie as a riveting rocker! Also, agree with you on the good elements of this film namely, Jack Black!" - James Edwards Yeah, Julianne Moore Rocks! "I couldn't agree with you more. Happiness was one of those rare movies that leaves one unsure if they should laugh or cry. The last scene between the father and his son was unbearably realistic and almost unwatchable. On a side note, Julianne Moore does indeed ROCK!!! I'd like to hear from you if you get a chance. Keep up the good work." - John Jones Which Is Funny, Because We Never Pay For Movies "First off I want to say that I love your site. I always check your reviews first when deciding what to spend my money on!" - Simone Interesting in a Good Way? "I have been reading your (and your staff's) reviews for a while and you difnitely have an intersting slant on most films. It is really wonderful to get a fresh perspective. Keep it real." - Joel But Did You Notice Nicole's Ass? "I just saw Eyes Wide Shut and really enjoyed it. When it starts, Cruise is missing a stud from his tuxedo, continuity error? Kubrick? No, it's meant, I think, as a clue that all is not what it appears to be. Nicole takes off her glasses to attend the party, from then on the lights have a strange glow as if we are squinting trying to focus on the scenes, another clue, not all we see is what we think it is. Basically, I think Kubrick was trying to get us to guess whether we were seeing reality or a dream of Bill's. Just as life is paradoxical, everything Bill experiences can be simply explained by logical facts or there could be a diabolical plot behind what's happening. Alice's strange leaps in logic could be a result of smoking pot or the fact that Bill is in a dream and dreams don't always make sense. Is the hooker that Bill visits in her residence a hooker or a college student? She dresses like a hooker, but she has Christmas cards on the wall, a Christmas tree up, and an introductory book on sociology in her apartment. New York is presented as crowded at times and eerily empty at others, just like in a dream. The masks at the sex orgy are at times so lifelike that they same to be expressing emotion and reaction to what is going on, even though their expressions are frozen in plastic or paper mache. Is the woman helping Bill at the orgy the first or second hooker? (later we find out) Alice's dream of the orgy interlaces reality with dreams, can one person experience another's real experiences in the land of dreams, even though she wasn't physically there? Perhaps I'm being too metaphysical, but Kubrick seems to be asking us are we in the real world or the world of illusion, the dream of Buddha? Is anything what is appears to be or is there another explanation? Can anything be solidly described in black and white concepts or is there always room for another point of view? The title of the film seems to let us know, that we don't know if life is real or a dream, are we seeing clearly or are we looking through eyes wide shut? I haven't yet seen the critics address these issues, rather they are harping on Kubrick's lack of reality. I think Kubrick was very intentional in his lack of reality and I really enjoyed his interpretation of life and the way he artfully presented it to us. If we maintain an awareness, even if our eyes are open or shut, we will be able to see clearly." - Betsy A. Elfring Wait, They're the Same Person!? "Just saw Fight Club, and I'm not quite sure I understood the ending. If you have the time, could you please explain in a short summary the last 20 minutes (from the moment it's revealed Pitt is really part of Norton's psyche to the final scene of the buildings blowing up) of the film to me. It would be greatly appreciated. Thanks" - MovieChic8@aol.com But That's A Mexican Prison We Wouldn't Mind a Stint In "To whom it may concern, I saw that movie Entrapment, and I just want to say that that Caterina-Zeta-Witt-Jones, she hot and all, but she can't act her way out of a Mexican prison. What's that all about. I mean, man, she sucked. They need to take her back to Zorro where she just stood around and looked pretty, that was fun, but this thing here, it was a crying shame. Sure there was a lot of stupid stuff in the movie, but it would have been harmless and fun enough if she had just stood there and smiled, they should have just cut all her lines from the script. From now on she should only play mutes. yeah. hot mutes that like to get nekkid. now that's something i would gladly pay 8.50 to see. And oh yeah, man she got a big butt. i mean REAL big... i like it a lot." - John from Ft. Wayne The Academy Can Rest Easier "I want you to know that I couldn't agree more with your review. The Cider House Rules absolutely sucks. If it wins Best Picture, I'm never ever going to watch those awards again." - Debbie Patton Is That Your "Hyerintelligance" Or Are You Just Happy To See Us? "Hello,I haven't seen the movie Cool Crime as yet however when I due,I'll enjoy the movie,because if it is truly reminiscent of the movie Blue Velvet, strange and scary creepy comedies ,are fun and exciting to view with a friend or a lone at the movies or at home as well.Even if I realize the plot of the movie right a way! Perhaps I UNDERSTAND THESE things , or rather just the movie buff that I am,and some of my hyerintelligance coming through ! YOU See revenge just makes the movie cool crime exciting to me. I happen to like an enjoy viewing or looking at or just,the knowing that Tarantino in made the movie or started in. Or even wrote and might dirceted the moive. I am a mellow person and I belive that great or good tener moments are worth their own wieght in gold! and I Happen to like viewing uneven movies can be attactive to look at if, you don't get boged down in it sometimes you need the romance helps to move stuff a lone. you don't always need! But i love and in a black comedy it can be great too or any comedy at all. I all so enjoy the characters that are, outrageous too some times they can give terriffic entertanment that can make for sensational stuff that movies are made! As I realize you truly know with out a dout!! your so right. This move had to be made in L A no where or no place would have been correct . What my friends say! PS. I REALIZE that your busy but could you write back! Thanks!" - Roxanne Harden A Taste for Ripple, That's What "I just wanted to drop a line to congratulate you for your review of Brazil, without a doubt the best and most underrated movie ever. At least someone with taste !" - Anonymous The Only Real Jello is Lime Jello "Regarding Body Shots, I think you're review is almost 100% accurate except for the fact that there are indeed Jello Shots in the movie, in the middle club scenes. Waitresses carrying glow-in-the-dark trays came out in a bizarre sort of time-out when everyone stops what they're doing to purchase the jello shots. Very odd and seemingly unrealistic, but nevertheless, Jello Shots would've been a more apropos title than its final one. But I agree with your review otherwise. This flick is Self-important with a capital "Self." "Every decade has a movie which defines it." The ad has to say that. Hyperbolic ads like this are nothing new, but this is a first - the movie actually agrees with the ad and takes itelf way way way too seriously. Well, that's all. Keep up the good work." - KK Kristi, Meet Kaia. Kaia, Meet Kristi [see right >>>] "Hello... I am just starting my journalism career and I usually write entertainment reviews and stories. I thought your review of Bring It On was very witty, courageous and well written. I have a hard time coming up with the right words to use when reviewing a subject that was horrendous. I'm not really afraid of offending someone (if I was, I wouldn't write editorials), I just don't know how to make a negative article flow as naturally as a positive one. Any advice would be much appreciated." - Kristi Crane Because the Green Ones Aren't Ripe Yet "hi im in cheerleading to i was on ur website and i want to know if u can pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee get me the cheerleaders autagraphs just tho white ones thanx email me back at dannagbbff@kiwibox.com im the girls #1 fan" - Scott Pancrazio [re: Bring It On] Listen Close: Bruce is Haley's Father! "What's the suprise ending in The Sixth Sense? I had to leave the theater, and now I'm leaving the U.S. and it will be a long, long time before I can see it again--- it's killing me." - Charlie Life Is Meaningless, Jennifer "I really enjoyed your site: it's fun, easy to read, and you have a good sense of humor." - Jennifer Freed Now That We've Told You What To Think, Our Work Is Done "Thank you for providing a review of Good Will Hunting that doesn't get suckered in by obeying what the filmmakers have told you to think of it." - Sam Freund If We Went Any More Negative, Miramax Would Stop Sending the Checks "Not that you particularly care to read letters from your readers, but I've been reading reviews of this film (Good Will Hunting ) for a few weeks now, waiting for someone to express even a slightly negative opinion on what I thought to be a mediocre film. Thank you! And this is coming from someone who lives in Boston, where this film is setting records." - Andrew Um, We Just Liked the Roller Skates "Interested to read your review of Boogie Nights. I managed to get to see it last night and also found it thoroughly engaging and watchable. In your piece, you briefly considered whether the film has a 'message' to cite, e.g. 'dont' do drugs' etc. I think there may be some value in considering the portrayal of 'family' and its problematic relationship with personal happiness. Consider the scene when Amber and Rollergirl are doing coke and RG decides Amber will be her 'mom'. Amber also works herself into regarding Dirk as 'her baby' ... what's going on there. Does she want to fuck her baby? What is the nature of the relationship between Dirk and Jack ...'prodigal son returns'? Why are we happy to see the Colonel condemned to a life of hell after his conviction for possessing kiddy porn? Is that the line that shall not be crossed? The film is loaded with issues - I think it will require several careful viewings to fully decode. Carry on the excellent work." - Jerry Hart, Leicester, UK For More Extra Credit, Write It Over in Latin "Thank you!! I thought your review was great on Evita. I thought it sucked. It was a waste of time. I had to write a review for Spanish (extra credit). Thank you!" - Charity Nelms Sling Blade Changed Cinema Forever, Man "Was at another "reviewer's" site and saw his 5 star movie list. What a hodge podge of trash and memorable films. I greatly aprreciate your consistency. Anything out there recently that is powerful, clever, probing about the human being (you know, like nothing that's been done since Sling Blade!) ?" - Eric You Found 'Em, Brian "Christopher: Bored on a hot summer night, I decided to catch up on my video-to-watch list. Screened Stealing Beauty which I thought came highly recommended by Siskel & Ebert. (I also wanted another glimpse of Liv Tyler who I found unappealing and unattractive in Armageddon.) Stealing Beauty? How about stealing money from the audience?? What a bad movie! So I searched for the reviews on the internet to see if I had missed something. I guess not . . . Just wanted to tell you that I thought your review was one of the best and totally on the mark. Where can I find your reviews on a regular basis? Ciao," - Brian M. Breen See, We Are Not Heartless "I just read your review of The High Road and wanted to thank you for a nice write up. My brother, David Smith was Assistant Producer/Editor/Director on that film. As you may have heard, he died of a drug/alcohol overdose the same night the film was successfully screened in New York City. It's nice to see a positive take on the film considering the sadness surounding the event. David was very talented and we appreciate all positive remarks about his work. Thank you" - Diana Smith Omeara Thanks Ken, You're the Only Fan of Gold and Blood Red "I was just surfing around on the net when I came up onto your cool homepage. You have done a very good job. I really enjoyed how you laid out your graphics and your use of color. There are so many bad sites out on the internet that is is a true joy to surf up to a really nice one like yours! I liked the links that you had chosen as well as the actual content of your own homepage as well. Keep up the good work, it is appreciated! I am the Webmaster of WD9GNG's German/American Homepage. I have been trying to get out and look at as many homepages as I can in order to see what other folks are doing. You have given me some good ideas on how a good site should be laid out!!" - Ken Onkel, Webmeister, WD9GNG's German/American Homepage No, YOU ARE! "Dear Mr Null, I know you're the original and the best." - Bina B, Australia No, YOURS IS! "Finally, this review is the only review of Titanic that i agree with." - Veronica Sendersky Russell, I Believe You I Swear to God I Do "Chris: Loved your review of Double Happiness - "...the most blatantly self-centered film I've seen all year..." Being from Vancouver myself I get to hear a lot from Mina. In a recent interview she said this about her new film Drive she said: "If I die after finishing this film I will die happy because I will know that (with the making of this film) I've made a significant contribution to the development of cinema." Chris, I kid you not that is exactly what she said. Look forward to reading your next review." - Russell And They Can Use Moby Dick To Pry It Back Out, Ha! "After reading through a bunch of your film reviews, I have to say, you're dead-on! I even agree with you about Jane Eyre, and all those English-department losers can shove that book up their collective a-holes." - Peter F. Delaney Amazing What a Light Saber Can Do "Just read your reviews of Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. You said it all for me; I feel just about exactly as you do. Star Wars, the Trilogy, saved my life and soul after the loss of my husband last August. Only The Trilogy, with its fun, love, humor, adventure, honesty, and "heart" (as Mark Hamill put it) could have pulled me up and out of my creeping sadness. Seeing the Trilogy was my first time of pure enjoyment since last August. I am forever grateful to Lucas, Hamill and Williams, also Daniels and Baker." - Pat Hotz And Now I'm Full of Self-Loathing "I liked your review of Dragonheart. I saw it just a few days ago, and I agreed with everything you said. But I liked it. I don't know, I just thought it was real imaginative. It was real original." - Lenny Smalls For Something Really Feeble, Look to the Right "Hi Christopher -- just perusing your handy dandy web site and had to drop a line to say how much I enjoyed it! You haven't lost your touch! (as you can see, I'm showering you with compliments in a feeble attempt to make it onto your "fanmail" page.....)" - Lauren Wang Per Lauren, We Are Handy-Dandy, Ben "I'll be keeping this bookmarked, its a valuable page to keep in handy, THANKS!" - Benjamin Curry, Ohio No, Not Exactly "Thanks a lot for your Evita review! In fact, I was kinda puzzled by warm reception of this brain-washing session: with all due respect to Madonna's sexuality, she is not exactly Marlene Dietrich ;-)" - Michael Maron That Would Explain the Frilly Underpants "Loved your review [of The English Patient]. I was beginning to feel weird with all the raves out there. I didn't mind the length of the film, but I had serious problems with the plot....too many unrealistic happenings. I did enjoy the various subplots, like the Sikh, etc. Could have done without the "thumb" scene. Have reserved the book so I can find out what it was REALLY about. Did I hear from someone that the real Count upon whom this book was based was GAY?" - Gavian Don't Worry About It -- Karma's a Bitch "This movie [Welcome to the Dollhouse] was probably the best movie of the year and it' s probably the best comedy that I've ever seen. I agree with you review that it's a great film, but I disagree about the part about the homecoming queens and kings. Fortunately, I've never been in Dawn's situation, but I have been in the bully's situation (I forgot his name). Right after I saw this movie I felt that what I did was pretty cruel, and I stopped for several weeks, but I still do it now. When I do pick on nerdy dorky kids I feel pretty bad afterwards, (which I never usually did) and this probably has something to do with the movie." - Chateau313 See You at Group Therapy on Friday, DSK "Right on! If you're a madman, so am I. You captured it. Keep up the good work." - DSK, re: The English Patient Your Time Spent Here Was Worth Every Second "Your review was right on the money, which has given me impetus to make a bookmark for your site, and I trust read reviews of other movies, before I rent them and spend money on time wasters." - Robert Goodlett, re: Fargo Well, That Was Before the Miramax Checks Started Coming... "I just wanted to say that this is one of the, no it IS the best and funniest review I ever read :-). After that, I wouldn´t watch the film even if I were paid for. This review makes me believe that there are still people out there that are not yet bought by this giant monster with a cute mouse-style mask." - Markus Moraw, Germany, re: 101 Dalmatians I Guess You Two Will Have to Share "This movie was so much better than three stars. It showed Natasha naked." - Kevin & Adam, re: Species Hehehe... Your Name is "Been a Dick" "Just had to say that my chums and I in the computer lab had quite a chuckle courtesy of your Beavis and Butt-Head film review. We only hope the film itself (which we all plan to see soonest) is at least half as funny as your review and will meet our "lofty expectations" for "quality B&B entertainment." Hehehe... I said "meat"... =8)" - Benedict Juliano Now We Can Get Back to the Godard Retrospective "Although I am not a huge Beavis and Butt-Head fan, I usually expect movie critics to hammer senseless movies mercilessly. It is good to see that you don't take yourself so seriously. 3 1/2 stars is quite impressive for the B&B duo." - Mark Kaeser If We Touch Just One Person... "Heh, I liked your review because I needed the objectivity. Being in a relationship which is nearly identical to the one depicted in the movie, I found it eye-opening and exhilherating. Well, naturally all those luckier people out there in more normal situations would find it all repulsive or boring. Anyway, someone has gone to a lot of trouble and expense to make a movie which was perfect for me." - Donal, re: Total Eclipse We See Pale People "Thank you Christopher, for a very good review of a wonderful movie (Powder). This has just been released here (Australia) and i had to find out more info on it. Yours is the best review - thank goodness that there are people such as yourself (and me!) who can understand the deeper meanings." - Wendy & Jacqi, Australia Sure, Thanks to "Hooked on Phonics" "I love your critique style. For future reference: the audience of Judge Dredd can read, but they're just a little... oh... challenged." - Eric N. Bliley It's Best Not to Fight It "I love your reviews, whether I agree or not. You have a great site!" - Carolyn S. Daigle And Foaming is Half the Battle "You're foaming at the mouth here, not that I blame you. But did you overlook (or not think it worth mentioning) the Hitchcock allusions? The business with Devlin tying a scarf around Bullock's midriff to keep her warm was lifted straight out of Notorious, and if memory serves, Cary Grant's character was also named Devlin. And the camera work in the carousel scene was from Hitch's book, "How to Make Commonplace Things Look Really Scary by Shooting from Weird Angles with Inappropriate Focal Lengths." OK, now I'm foaming. But I agree with your review. The movie is aggressively insulting." - Essai Davidson, re: The Net Best to Come Here Before the Movie, Pat "I know I'm a little late about seeing the movie (Othello) and critiquing your critique. Sorry. I whole heartedly agree with you. This movie sucked. Its a shame because I love Shakespeare and was really looking forward to seeing this film. Now I'm sorry I wasted the time and money." - Patricia Ann Dragonuk Word To Yo Mutha "Just wanted to tell you that you're the only movie critic that I have bookmarked, cause I respect your opinions even if I don't always agree with you. Keep tellin' it like it is." - Kathy Allison, Mississippi Wait, Braveheart 2 Is Already Out? "Hi there! I watched Braveheart 2 days ago on video and I have to say I thought that it was particularly good. I agree with all you say about it and Mel Gibson has certainly gone up in my estimation." - Rachel MacCabe, Dublin, Ireland Potent Potables for $1000, Alex "What a nice piece [I Was a Jeopardy Rejekt]!! Better than nice--it's a fine story. Funny, suspenseful, and perfectly constructed. Thanks for sending it to me. Alas, we all have dreams of Jeopardy -- many are called, but few... Reminds me of how I felt when I took the GRE. I was so PREPARED." - Raye Carrington Good Thing You Live in France "I am french movie lover in Paris. I've been looking for a good movie critic Web for a long time. And I found your web. It's great and easy to use (especially the search in the database). But, more important, your reviews, your critics are relevant, intelligent, and have a fine touch of humor. Thanxs again and 'a bientot .'" - Stephane Leroy, Paris, France Nope, There Are No Other Movie Review Sites, Just Us "I've been searching for a movie review site for a while now. I have found many but none nearly as simple to navigate, user friendly, with detailed and quality reviews and a great archive list (not to mention helpful links for other sites)." - Chris Janzen, Canada Be Afraid "I should have checked your review [of Primal Fear] before I went to the movie last night. Your review is 'spot on.'" - Keith A. Jameson Ms. Margolyes Had an Issue, Though "Another great review [of James and the Giant Peach]. Thanks." - Steve Rhodes, film critic What Reasoning? "First, want to say that I really enjoy your online column. Helps to have different perspectives on films (even though I can't always agree with your reasoning! :) )." - John Deming I Wish They Gave Me a Sitcom, Too "That [Mr. Null Goes To Hollywood] was a good article. I wish is was longer. " - David Owens I Do It For the Fans, harv "This [Mr. Null Goes To Hollywood] is one of the most well-written, entertaining net articles I have read in a long time. Congratulations. You probably could've made some buck$ selling it to a magazine :)" - Harv Laser Try Your "Back" Button "Just a short note to say I enjoyed reading Mr. Null Goes To Hollywood. Got any other stuff out on the Net?" - John S. Meckley Most Other Critics Don't Understand the Reply Function in E-Mail "Thank you for your prompt replies to my students' E-Mails about movie reviews. There are 3 senior classes doing this assignment and for most of them, it is their first exposure to the Internet and E-mail. It is also the first time this teacher has incorporated telecommunications into this unit. It has been a learning experience for us all. Again thanks -- the kids got really excited when they received replies. " - Melva Burmeister, Librarian, New Berlin (WI) West Middle/High School Must've Been an Off Day For Us "Thank you for writing a favorable review about Forget Paris!! I am right now doing a research paper on this movie because I enjoyed it very much. Most critics of this movie did not like it. Why do you think that normal people like us, people who just sit back and be entertained by a movie, will be entertained, but critics-people who are PAID to watch and write about good movies- seem to always find something unfavorable to say?" - Aaron Hettinga And They Told 10 People, and They Told 10 People... "Honestly the best movie review page I have ever seen. I have book marked it and have told about 10 other people about it. Very well done. " - Brad Arnold, Sales and Marketing Dir., Compu-Tek Intl. Yeah, My Brother's Pretty Useless "I have been doing mindless letter stuffing at work and your movie reviews have kept me entertained." - Mickayela, my brother's ex-girlfriend Sense Is Overrated, Anyway "Just want to say I thought your review of Get Shorty was 100% spot on - it just doesn't make sense and the ending sucks!!!" - William Knottenbelt, Cape Town, South Africa We're Saving Them Up for a Rainy Day "I wanted to tell you how much I appreciated your interview with Mike Figgis. I thoroughly enjoyed Leaving Las Vegas, although the subject(s) were ones that most people do not want to see/look at. I do not always agree with your reviews, most often I do. I wish we could have more interviews with the directors, etc. Thank you again for taking the time to do this interview and for sharing it with your fans." - Angela Sherrill, Seattle, Washington Get Off the Site So Someone Else Can Use It "I have bookmarked your movie home page. I will be a CONSTANT visitor, I can assure you." - Mairwyn. S. Thomas, Australia Sure, Is Your Apartment Still Standing? "Can I subscribe to your movie reviews mailing list?" - Dragan Antulov, Split, Croatia Now You Know "Would that I had read your review before trekking to Dobie to see that insipid film The Doom Generation! The Austin Chronicle praised it as if it were the Citizen Kane of violent road films. Little did I know that the dialogue they called "witty" would be pointlessly vulgar, irrelevant, and jejune." - James M. Dedman IV, Austin, Texas But Not the Ones We Haven't Written "Is it possible to send me all of your reviews? I mean, all the ones you've ever written?" - Menno Peeters, Geneen, Holland Reading Is One Thing, Translating Is Another "At last, someone who agrees with me that the subtitles were awful [in Belle de Jour], much worse than that in most French films." - Arthur Wouk, Colorado But Can You Get Sandra Bullock Interested? "When I first heard of The Net going into production I campaigned against it. Question: Does the Studio head who gave the greenlight on this picture know what the Internet is, better yet does the director, or even the screenwriter. I must admit that it will make my script look worlds better." - Kirk Zehnder, Independent Producer A Gift For Sarcasm Is All "Thanks for the review of WaterWorld Chris. Yours is the most interesting, straight forward, movie review I have read yet (and I read a lot of them...) You've got a real gift......" - Douglas J. Rener Not Just Her Fans, Her Mom, Too! "This is a very bold review [of The Net ]. I will value your opinion however. You may get a bit from all the Sandra Bullock fans out there but I think you made a good decision to express your view so openly." - M. K. Wong, New Zealand Alas, Some Just Don't Get It "Just dropping you a note to thank you for the amusing review of Jane Eyre. Your writing is nicely laced with humor! I will, of course, heed your warning to stay away from that flick." - Tracey Depellegrin Wagner Fan Mail / Hate Mail Page 1 Fan Mail / Hate Mail Page 2 |  | ...hate mail Our Panel of Ex-Cheerleaders Was Out That Day "Hello I am a Varsity Cheerleader and I have something to say about your suck-ass critique of the film, Bring It On. First of all, I hope you have a panel of ex-cheerleaders who have a say in your critique of this movie. If you've never cheered, you have no idea what these girls are going through and the work that it takes to be a competition cheerleader. In the world of cheerleading, there are imposters who try to steal routines, so that is a very true portion of the story behind this film. Second of all, don't go and be playa-hatin cheerleaders just because we're full of energy and like to make people smile. I hope you're not a big lug who just likes to sit around and make people feel like shit just because you know damn well that you can't be that good. :) Third, I really wish you would write me back because I want to see your other comments on cheerleaders so I can be sure and know personally to myself that they're not true, and no matter what people say, cheerleaders don't meet the stereotype that they have been so wrongly given. Sure, we look good and have guys falling in love with our skirts. Sure, we like to laugh a lot and have fun. But, there are no girls on my squad that are airheads and trip over their boyfriends' heels because they're just like little puppies on strings. For your information, Mr. (or Mrs.) Critic, our co-captain is the Salutatorian of our Senior class of 2001. Over half of our girls on the squad have at least a 3.2 GPA, including me. So, I hope your critiques haven't come from any of your staffs' formed personal opinions of cheerleaders, just because you can't be like one. Have you ever heard the phrase "Take a walk in someone elses' shoes?" Well, maybe you should try it before you try to make a sorry ass critique of a very truthful movie. I would be thrilled to have a response. Thank you very much. p.s. I sent my cheerleading picture so you can see a very nice cheerleader. Have a very "Peppy" day! :)" - Pixgirl27@aol.com Okay, Castro "Your review of Before Night Falls was terrible. I do not say this out of any particular love for the film. My issue is that you use sarcasm and what appears to be your idea of wit in place of genuine talent for criticism so that you can write a review on a film which apparently flew over your head. Not only do you not even know who Arenas is, you miss the entire point of the film. Not once do you mention the word "Castro" or refer to the stifiling of creativity which political repression creates. You are more than happy to mock the opening sequence of Arenas as a child, yet you don't stop and ask if the film is trying to convey the theme of freedom. He was free in the beginning with no clothes, no money, and no father. He died free with AIDS (how you found that unclear I'm not quite sure). However, at the height of his intellectual prowess, he was decidedly trapped. His life was spent in a war trying to regain his freedom. I'm glad that you defend against hate mail on your talk back page; you must need to do this after receiving so much of it for your unenlightened reviews. Here's a tip: Instead of just writing your entertaining little reviews, try to think first. You remind me of a high school student who writes a book report which conveys that he does not like the book, yet what is conveyed is that he didn't understand it enough to like it. If you still don't like a film after genuinely understanding what it is trying to do, fine. Think about how to convey that. But portraying Reinaldo Arenas as someone who just wanted to have a simple little life and write poetry? That's just silly." - Kelly Anne And Gladiator Won Every One of those Grammys! "What a film critic you are. It always amazes me when no talent people like you rate a movie. You give Gladiator a review of 3 of 5 stars and yet it is up for 12 Grammy nominations. What a joke you are. Its only fair that I give you a rating of 0 of 5 in knowing what people like and dislike. Laughing at you." - Anthony Maybe You Should Order Some More Copies "Critics, who cares what they say or think? I work part time in the largest National Video chain and each weekend that I work, Love & Basketball is sold out. When it is not sold out, people are stealing it, because they want to own it so badly. That in itself says that the plot, the actors, & the story was more than good enough for the general public. As far as the idiotic statement you made about Spike Lee's movies, I agree that he's put out some very putrid material over the last several years, but if I were to say (many others for that matter) which was worse, I'd have to go with Girl 6 on that." - Bruce Ward Jr. Talk About Unique Surrealism "I just wanted to offer a much belated criticism of Robert Strohmeyer's criticism of the much belated film version of The Fantasticks. I suppose it's to your website's credit that Strohmeyer's hatred for the film reflects the shopping-mall test audience's, which resulted in MGM canning the film for five years. But for Strohmeyer to recklessly, shallowly attack such established hallmarks of the show as its score and purposely whimsical storyline, without so much accountability as that of a grade-school book report, is insulting. I lament America's long-lost predisposition to enjoy the unique surrealism of movie musicals. I distain critics who seem to lack the intelligence, broad-mindedness and creativity to rise above such pedestrian values and then, no doubt out of frustration for this shortcoming, misdirect anger at the film they are suppose to at least try to comprehend." - Howard Gollop Our New Logo Is Found "You need to have a huge picture of the simbol off The Skulls movie!!!!!!!!!" - Newton Damn That Miss Daisy! "Your review was way off the mark. This is probably the best film I have seen in my long lifetime. Your review was flippant and unreasonable. Perhaps Driving Miss Daisy is something you would give a great review. Look at other reviews of this movie to see how out of touch you were when you wrote yours. I would never give any review you wrote any credence after your review of Gladiator." - Kim Nordstrom And How Bummed Are We? "hi i just wanna say..i don't really aggree with your ratings" - Budi Will Sing For a Medical Degree, Inquiries Within "The story in this movie is what got me, as a girl not in it obviously for the chicks, i loved this movie. Maybe it was a little chiche , but it was inspiring. I am an aspiring doctor, and if I had to slum and work my ass off to get there I will. To see this girl going for her dreams and actually succeeding was awesome. My brother and cousin went with me, and they are both interested in entering the music industry, so it was very inspiring to them. I don't know how you critiqued Titanic, but if you called this bad, that must have been horrid, I mean it was good too, but highly overrated. you must have been wasted when you saw this, either that or you have no ambition to go for your dreams. As for Piper Peribo's acting, she wasn't the greatest, but you made her sound like she did the movie with a script in her hand, and no dramatization at all. Excuse me, have you ever watched Passions??????? You probably crushed this girls dreams as an actress, I think you're a lousy critic, and so do many others, but you obviously have no dreams to crush. Bottom Line is my opinion doesn't matter, but neither does yours, You Suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well now that I think of it, mine kind of does, because I'm part of the population they profit off of, come to think of it, you profit off me also." - Christina Shaffer Coyote Ugly Needs to Rethink its Website "How can you guys say that Coyote Ugly is a bad movie??? I went to the Coyote Ugly website and I saw all of these reviews that said the movie sucked...ok yea of course adults would think the movie sucks because is has girls dancing in a bar...but there's more to it than that. The whole story behind Violet and that guy she liked so much. Part of the reason I liked the movie so much was that what Violet did by moving to New York to follow her dream is exactly what I want to do when I grow up. I've always wanted to be an actress in Hollywood or something. Ok, I am a teenager and that is what audience age the film was directed to. And I thought that when it showed the girls dancing to that music and just letting loose just made me feel like getting up and dancing. I thought it was a VERY good movie and maybe some of the critics should listen to what teenagers have to say about it because I know that a lot of my friends loved it. Sincerely," - Concerned Teenager Please Send a Photo First "Re: Max's inane review of this very funny movie I thought the movie was a hilarious Modpodge of credits to the masters of the media. A funny bag of tricks. I especially liked the Matrix references. As for the stunning actresses--there is a lesson there if you look very carefully... Being friendly will save your life! You might have to hang onto that sheet! Us shallow people had fun in that movie. Girl Power! I want more Charlie's Angels!" "Kiss me you fool. Getit!" - Bonnie MacRae I Would Have Liked It a Lot More After a Fifth of Stoli, Ted "Dear Null: Sheesh! I just got back from seeing Bahman Ghobadi's Time for Drunken Horses. What a lousy review you wrote and what a disservice to filmgoers who might be looking for something beyond the current crop of popcorn movies that Hollywood continues to churn out. I was curious after this review to see what you have liked. Contrast the genuine sincerity of this film and its lack of audience of manipulation with the antics of a film like Frequency--one of your top pics I see on your site--which grossly goes off the deep end betraying any genuine emotion it generates early on with the sappiest of crowd-pleaser endings. But hey, I guess I can't tell you what you missed. Maybe you were drunk at the time?" - Ted Whipple Tru Man, See Food! "Mr. Null, Are most of your movie reviews like the one you gave the Truman Show? Do you normally avoid interacting with the message of the movies you review? No offense meant, but there's much more to a movie than artistic qualities--what about the philosophical message? The Truman Show definetely had something to say concerning true humanity (Tru Man), free will, our relationship to our Creator and the like. If you missed all that, you missed a treat." - Geoff Shaw And We Thought We Were Hiding the Smugness So Well "Lord! Your review of The Perfect Storm was so transparently smug and strenuously unfunny. You obviously know little about the background of this fine piece of journalistic writing adapted to the screen. Junger's book was a groundbreaker and a fine read. I'll admit the film was flawed in spots, but almost every criticism you so uncharitably lobbed at this fine film was directly related to its faithfulness to the book. This was not just about the storm. It was about a town and a culture...the Gloucester fishing community. I suppose I enjoyed it all the more having read the book. I also have an affinity with the sea and a love of sailing. I recommend that you do not read or see any version of Moby Dick. Furthermore, I hereby decree that no one affiliated with filmcritic.com be allowed to eat the following ever again in their natural lives without excessive guilt: a) swordfish b) salmon c) tuna d) mako shark Sincerely," - Lary9@aol.com Hey, Bale Wanted Me So Bad, Too! "I can't believe you gave Shaft such a low rating. This movie should've been in the upper 4 stars. Jackson, Wright, and Bale were fantastic in this movie. Bale wanted me so bad to see him killed even though it happened but by the mother of the victim. Wright was so entertaining as villain in this story. So what if you felt offended in this movie by the stereotypical characters. If you actually go out in the world than rather sit in your desk, you'll know that a lot of Puerto Ricans and especially Puerto Rican drug dealers talk like that. The dialogue in the movie too was excellent. The conversation between Bale and Wright was great. How can Spike Lee direct this movie? He'll turn this movie into a political war movie and he'll exploit the racism and stereotypes in a movie rather than concentrating on Shaft. Singleton did a hell of a job on Shaft and you shouldn't be criticising him. He does great movies. Maybe you should watch the movie again and actually sit their and enjoy how cool Shaft is. I'm sorry if I was too harsh but I feel you should actually watch the movie again and concentrate on Jackson rather than the stereotypes in the movie." - Hoang I Take My Pabulum With a Straw, Thanks All the Same! "I just saw Limbo tonight, then read your review, and I can tell you without reservation that you are full of shit, as well as being concrete, dull-witted, and unimaginative. You are too stupid to supply your own ending, or to read anything into what went on before. You need to have everything spelled out for you, or spoon-fed to you like pabulum. I'll bet you like tearjerkers like Terms of Endearment, where there is no doubt at all, at any time, exactly how you should feel or think. Are you aware that ambiguity is the soul of great art? Obviously not. I shudder to think that a stupid fuck like you fancies himself a film critic." - Bilfic@aol.com Wait, Someone Else Saw Titan A.E. Too? "How could you give Titan A.E. such a Lackluster review? The mix of american and Japanese Animation with CGI, was superb. By far the best American go at Japanese animation yet. The voice acting was simply awesome. The least I can say about your review was you where at least smart enough to not give it one star. Is there a certain criteria that you Film Critics go by when you go and rate a movie? I think there might have been one movie ever that I have gone and seen that I agree with you on your ratings. If you say it's bad then I think it is really good, if you think it is really good then I think it is bad. What exactly do you rate your assumptions on?" - Casey McDaniel Someone Takes the Short Bus to School "I hate Critics for movies. Well not all! Some actually are good reviewers! Then there are those dumb know it all Critics. They try to make an okay movie into a sucky sounding movie. Like they try to make the people who made the movie want to kill themselves for making some movie that sucked to ONE person! I have seen movies where ALL critics say it's bad and I saw it and enjoyed it and so did other people I know. Why do critics always put a movie down so hard! Even when everyone else enjoys it! Like I saw Star Wars Episode 1 and EVERYONE in my school loved it...but the critics Uh um put it down! I think teenagers are better reviewers...but their are some bad ones! But when my whole school says a movie is real good...it is! Now the Haunted was GREAT! (and my school didn't tell me anything...because well it's summer and school is out) Anyways the audience got really scared! I jumped a few times so did my friend! Alot of girls screamed and all! Now that's a movie! One that makes the audience react! From laughing to screaming to cheering for the movie's greatness! All the people in the theater reacted to The Haunting! There were screams and laughs and sighs and all! So Mr. Null...Please look at what people say around you! The Haunting had GREAT SPECIAL EFFECTS...all right acting...scary villian...really good ghosts and all! I loved it! So please don't trash a movie like that! You just sound really close minded! Thanks! Bye!" - Aaron We're Holding This Space on the Internet for Ransom "The ratings on this site are disgusting. Excellent films such as the Silence of the Lambs or Magnolia are rated virtually equal to films that simply are not their equal such as Election. The ratings assigned show no intelligent understanding of what makes good film, nor understanding of depth to the films. Stop wasting space on the internet, or get new critics." - Sean X But We've Got No Place Else To Go! "Ok.. first off, Gladiator was an extremely great movie, and i may be a little temperamental about this but you really need to open your eye's and see the whole movie or get a new job. Your criticism on the movie was unnecessary and frankly I find it humiliating to the director's of the movie. I honestly believe that you should rewrite your article or you should step down from your position and have someone that is qualified and is able to watch and make rational decision's on future film's." - Manish Moideen For Only 59 Cents a Day, You Can Sponsor a Dogstar Band Member "This is to the person responsible for The Watcher review, First let me say that I think everyone is entitled to have an opinion of their own, and share it with others. We also are entitled to our first ammendments rights. The one thing, however, that we are not entitled to as far of either of those rights is this: 1. As a film critic you are to do reviews of things you have seen or heard. 2. You are expected to report facts, not hearsay. The fact that you have not heard Dogstar perform should have kept you from commenting on it. May I quote you, "his band Dogstar (which is reportedly quite awful). " Reportedly, that is what you said, that word means that you are repeating hearsay, rather than giving it a try yourself. I do not know your age, nor you music preference, but I do know that you should hear them for your self. I have heard every song they have released for the public, and they are quite good. Bret Domrose has a great voice. Rob Mailhouse is an excellent drummer, and Keanu Reeves is an absolutely wonderful bassist. They pour their hearts and souls into their music. The only problem, which should not be there is this, they get noticed a lot because of Keanu Reeves film status, but at the same time are treated unfairly because of it. He is an actor, they are a band. Please listen to them. Then make an honest assessment, and not go on what others have said for they are wrong. Dogstar deserves credit for making great music. For the record, I am a 36 year old and I really enjoy listening to my Dogstar CD's. They deserve much more credit than they get. They are FAR from awful! The media should take notice and report accordingly. Thank you for your time." - Kathy Stone Actually, Most Are Brainy, Horny, Little Bitches "Chris, You're mailbox is probably replete with this kind of message by now, but i'm just gonna add to it baby. The movie Bring It On can't be as bad as you make it out to be. The rest of the critics gave it fairly good reviews so you made yourself seem like an underpayed, 70 yr. old crackhead that actually wanted to see a shitty movie. Not all cheerleaders are ditsy, horny, little bitches. Even the writer herself said that she's always had a facination with cheerleading and she wrote about what she liked and tried to make it fun but also show how hard cheerleaders work. so next time check your sources and take your St. Johns Wort." - Devin Fun: Noun. Pleasure, excitement. [Antonym: Coyote Ugly] "Hello I disagree with your review [of Coyote Ugly]. I think that Piper Perabo was a good actress. and that they couldn't have found a better person to play that part. She is a pretty actress with a lot of talent. I also thought that Adam Garcia and Maria Bello did a great job with the movie. You know I have a question. Is Fun in your vocabulary? Because spraying someone with water when they ask for water is fun! Besides they asked for it and they got it! The movie has real life problems like stage fright, love problems, and a loved parent in a hospital. Unlike some of the problems that have been in recent movies. I don't understand why someone needs to be naked for the movie to be good. And I would like to add that they weren't naked. Every part of the girls body except for like the stomach or something was covered. Now I am only 13 and I dont' know that much about reviewing movies but I think Coyote Ugly was a good movie and I do disagree with some of the things you said. Thank you for your time." - Chelsea Champ And To Be Honest, Steve, You Could Use the Activity "For your information, I thought Coyote Ugly was very entertaining! Sometimes all we need is to see some get up and go, if you will. In my eyes, the dancing parts in themselves were so energizing, I wanted to go home and dance or exercise. It is far better than watching violence all the time. There are not very many people that listen to you critics anyway! I believe that most of the taste is in your mouths when it comes to you Joe Blow critics. There, now I feel so much better! No thank you, when it comes to your insults. Some of you don't have a good word to say about anyone. WAY TOO CRITICAL!" - Stephen Knott 12% And Climbing "Some of your reviews are well written." - Phillip Bourke It Was Much Better Than Cats. I'm Going To See It Again and Again and Again and Again "You're a Dumbass...If you think Gladiator was average at best, you haven't a clue! Not much more needs to be said...Film Of The Year, no doubt!" - Bandit Because an All-Pokemon World Would Excite Me Too Much "My name is Kaia Olbino I just read your review for Bring It On and I totally disagree with your review of this hilarious film. My first question is why must every film have a message? I walked out of the theater feeling like I was well entertained for the entire duration of the film. The description you gave of the "message" of the film is lame and is was not the case. You should learn to go to a movie and take it at face value and not try so hard to look for negativity. It is people like you that make everything a Black and White issue instead of just a normal Life issue. The focus could have easily been on two white Cheerleading Squads but how interesting would that have been? This film was funny without trying too hard or being silly. The acting was natural and not the least bit fake. Everybody played their part and made the movie good. I am sure everyone had a lot of fun making this movie and that is what is has to be about sometimes. I would like to close this up by saying I am glad the public has not followed your view (it had the #1 spot for 2 weeks)! Because they would have missed a terrific film. Also I am an 21 year-old African-American female and most of the people in the theater were African-American as well and from the laughs I heard enjoyed the film just as much as I did. And most of us thought the Toros were more original and could have taken 1st place." - Kaia Olbino Obnoxious Is the New Black "...if you don't like chracters or actresses who are "loud, hammy, a bit trashy, and generally obnoxious in every way..." you shouldn't be reviewing movies about or starring them. Your review of Isn't She Great makes it obvious you are not able to put aside your personal likes and dislikes when judging the entertainment value of a movie. For those of us who aren't so pious and refined, and actually enjoy an outrageous character, these portrayls are appreciated. In order to be a critic in the true sense, you must be able to put aside your own values and judge the film for it's merits to the intended audience. Judging by the "laughter of our (your) baby boomer-heavy audience" it appears the film hits it's intended mark much more closer than you give it credit for." - John M. Montognese Soon We Won't Even Have to Watch the Movies at All "You suck as a film critic. I loved the movie [The Blair Witch Project] and can't wait to see it again! If you read some of the other reviews, most everyone feels the same. It's one of those movies that could actually redefine the horror genre." - Steve Why Did We Make the List? To Fuck With Jim Rooney's Head. "I appreciate your web site and insight. I have seen all of the films on your top 100 of the millennium, except Videodrome. (I see a very large number of films a year -- and have for 50 years, have provided film lists for colleges, consulted for video stores, etc. The Question: Why did you make the list? (That's not a flip question.) It would seem to be a far more effective (and exciting and motivating) list, and a credit to your considerable talents, if it were your list of favorites from the English speaking films you've seen. It seems that that's what many of them are. And that's fine, but not what's advertised. Where are the foreign films that set the standard for movie making? As much as I liked, loved, Shallow Grave, how did it get to be one of the best movies of all time? Highlander? Dead Poets Society? Do you really believe that Dead Poets is one of the best of all time, or did it just mean that much to you at that time of your life or reflect your philosophies or change your life? It's a fun list. I've sent your website address on to several others for your cogent reviews." - Jim Rooney But a Period After a Question Mark is A-OK "Just to save yourself a little embarrassment in the future, maybe you should pay attention a little more during the movies you review. You mentioned that ?explosion after explosion do absolutely nothing to the sub?. Were you watching the movie? U-571 was damaged by the depth charges, shooting torpedoes, and cannons. Remember how the submarine sunk at the very end of the movie? You should have paid more attention in english class as well. Three sentences in a row ending in exclamations is a bit excessive. Also, a sentence like ? It's amazing it was damaged in the first place!? will make any good reader cringe. I guess anyone can be a critic." - Craig Warman We'd Get Off Him, But He's Just Such a Hottie! "Honestly, Would all you stupid critics get off the Matthew "nude bongo" McConaughey?! How stupid are you?! That happened what, 6 months ago? Yeah, it's getting a little old. No matter how dumb you are, you can't deny the fact that he is a very talented actor. And if you can't see that, then you're a fucking moron. He made an impact on Hollywood. I think you need to find better things to pick at, and maybe come up with a more original nickname, jackass." - Christa J. Schleif We'd Back Up Off Him, But... "Your review BITES! I actually enjoyed the film and think that from this film a lot of people learn a lot about the Titanic that they never knew, like how it sunk and what precautions they didn't take! And I don't know why you are dissing the actors saying they can't act because you can't even review movies worth a *hit! So just back up off Leo because he was the best actor in the movie. And I personally think that you should go back to college or whatever you review people do because you can't judge worth a HOOT! And I don't care if you think I'm being rude, because you were rude to the producer and the actors that spent all that time filming the movie. So people should be mean to you! Cuz you are a very not nice person!!!! - "The Maxwells" Anything With Muppets Is Fine By Us "Well unlike what you meantioned in you review, the first star wars did not have a all-out land war, and by the way its not tiresome. Also Jedi is the best film of the trilogy, then Empire, and then A New Hope a distance third." - PipSqueakJ@aol.com You See Beth, We Watch the Movies and Then We Review Them... You Wouldn't Understand "I read your reviews on Good Will Hunting and Titanic were not that good of films, well I'm sorry but you must be the only man in the world who thinks that. I mean if these movies are so bad why are they making so much money and getting award nominations huh. You can't answer because you know that they are good movies you just can't admit it. Why don't you spend more of your time watching movies instead of reviewing them, you obviously aren't cut out for it." - Beth Wasche Four Stars Is Just Not Enough These Days "It is hard to believe you could have seen Titanic and not recognized its obvious merits." - David Redekop, Canada And That Talking Dragon Was Hot "I thought your reviews for Dragonheart were way off. i thought it was one of the greatest movies of all time. i cried at the end. i thought it was touching and was a very good movie. i think you suck as a film critic. Love," - Tara It Takes a Wing Commander Fan to Paraphrase a Computer "To paraphrase HAL: 'I would recommend putting the unit back in operation and let it fail.' Although, in your case, you were unfortunately not put _out_ of operation. Don't vount yourself as the ultimate word on movie criticism. I personally _was_ disappointed by the divergences from the game plot [in Wing Commander], especially the look of the Kilrathi and the lack of plot dealing with the latter, but I honestly enjoyed this flick. It didn't make me laugh at absurdities nor at maudlin or steamy love scenes. Heck, I actually enjoyed them. What really impressed me was the way 'Maniac' and the 'grease-monkey' wing commander dealt with Rose's death. That look on Maniac's face as the wreckage of her ship was dumped off of the launchramp <1-G gravity in space? Fascinating. ;)> nearly brought me to tears. The other big disappointment for me was the horrible portrayal of Admiral Tolwyn, who in the game was a mean, nasty old bugger, as a defined good-guy. Next time you review a movie that's based on something, take a bit of time out of your schedule and do a bit of research, and _then_ do your review. In my opinion, I think you were expecting to see Star Wars and instead got Star Trek 5 <And now you're going to tell me you liked it. Ha!>. You didn't at _ANY_ point in your review go into specific character detail. It was a real treat to, beyond the cinematic sequences in _Heart_Of_The_Tiger_, see WC on the big screen. And like I said, I _really_ liked it. In recent days, I haven't been impressed with adaptations of comic book/RPG/video games into movies <Blade, Crow: City Of Angels, recent Batman flicks>. I went into WC as part of a less-than-sold-out audience, and left quite satisfied; not mainly because of the adaptation, but because they made a good flick that would've stood on its own had WC-the-game never existed. That's my tarnished two bits. Write back if you'd like." -Garth Gilmore But I Never Learned How to Read! "I just read your revolting review of Jane Eyre and you are personally responsible for a bruise on my fist and a hole in my wall. I hate you. You and all your philistine buddies need to get out of the critic business and get your GEDs. However, here is an easy alternative: Step 1: Throw away your Cliff Notes and go get the REAL BOOK!! Step 2: READ THE BOOK!!!(I forgot. You're illiterate.) Step 3: WATCH THE DAMN MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!! (If you were to complete either steps 2 or 3 you would find that the character of Blanche Ingram is NOT the insane first wife. Insanity is YOUR category.) Well, I think we've made real progress. At least now I can sleep the sleep of the civilized and you can go back to writing your own fan mail. Disrespectfully (like you can pronounce that)" - Dustin Arient, member of the human race Huh huh... You Said "Butt" "Did you hear what I said Chris? About Primal Fear, you've got to be the worst fuckin' film critic film critic I've ever come across. Now, in rebuttal, say something noble." - Raymond Thomas-Hogan That Would Explain the Smell, Too "Your sense of humour obviously died a long time ago, either that, or you were so busy shoving your head up your bottom that you didn't actually see Mars Attacks at all. That film was (along with the rest of Burton's) a masterpiece of camp, comedy film making, as well as a superb homage to the 50's B-Movie tradition. Hear me...you are wrong, I am right! So AK-AK-AK to you, and may one of those wonderful martians come and bite you on the nose." - Snark I Asked Everyone But You, And They All Agreed With Me "First do you like ,or know any thing anbout Techno. NO, I did think so. You should not Talk about anything you don't know about. I DJ for two of Boston's biggest Clubs, and I have used the soundtrack for The Saint with good club feedback. People were comming to me asking me what I was playing, they had to have it. So Pleassse be opened minded, and ask people who listen to techno what they thought." - Dexter Harewood Yeah, Pretty Much "Just read your review. It bothers me how cynical you and other reviewers are. I don't think the film was perfectly made, but I haven't seen any movies recently that dedicate any time or energy to the subject matter of middle-age to elder women. I guess to do so is suicide when it comes to critical success. It amazes me that the movie I just came back from seeing inspired what I have read." - V, re: The Evening Star There's 180 Hours You'll Never See Again "I don't know where you get the idea that Now and Then is corny. It is a really good film that a ton of people like. It's got humor, good music and a good story. I've watched the movie a hundred times and truthfully, I don't appreciate some of the comments you made." - Wagner Leonardo Says, "Right back at ya, Bobbie!" "Leonardo is one fine piece of work alright, He's a FINE piece of ASS though, too!" - Bobbie Taylor Jane Eyre in Vegas... Not a Bad Idea! Shannon Tweed Could Star! "i've never read a more unhelpful review from someone who must have his head stuck in a boom box or a computer game - i suppose he thinks jane austen should be reset in vegas?? (for the glitter and exitement of sequined costumes?). the man has no heart and should at least admit that he has the soul of an over roasted potato..." - Carsten Matthai, Australia, re: Persuasion My I.Q. Is 195 "re: Usual Suspects review. Perhaps you should be writing "who dunnits?" instead of telling us how smart you are. Keep reviewing, filmboy." - Brian Bartelt We Prefer Blase to Unmotivated "I find your film reviews to be as superficial as they come. I have yet to read one of your reviews that goes further than to say the "directing was brilliant" or "the acting was terrible". If you are going to critique these films than do so. The manner in which you have done so thus far has shown you to be unmotivated, uninterested and above all, cinematically illiterate. If you want to review film, you must understand it first. You sir, do not. P.S. I do not write this out of anger because I disagree with your reviews. In fact, we share much common ground in our filmic preferences. The reason I write you stems from my frustration concerning the "I liked it or I hated it, in so many words" nature of your reviews." - Zak Forsman Comes With The Job, Sugar Cakes "Trust me, I've read your reviews - insightful is not exactly how I'd describe you!" "Gee, like most movie critics, you're a real twit!!" - Isabel Coates 1. Fargo 2. Now and Then... "i would like to say i think Now and Then is one of the best movies of 90's i am a movie critic for a major AUSTRALIAN newspaper and i was blasted off me feet my the high standed of acting. And i think Gaby Hoffman should get an award for her great acting. I GIVE THE MOVIE: 10 out of 10" - Brandon Hoult, Australia Peter MacNicol Was Robbed for the Oscar! "I saw this film last night and would unhesitatingly recommend it to any fan of the undead. This reviewer (and others of like mind I have read) deserve to be buried alive (not figuratively) for a complete ignorance of the genre he or she purports to comprehend in writing a review of a horror spoof. Dracula - Dead and Loving It makes almost no reference at all to Coppola's monstrous version (other than Nielsen's hair and the shadow bit). Rather, it is a grand send-up of the classic Tod Browning production which starred Bela Lugosi, Edward Van Sloan and Dwight Frye. Mel Brooks and especially Peter MacNicol render great caricatures of those roles. MacNicol is an unrecognized genius, but this also is due to a dearth of competence on the part of critics, who turn in clueless reviews such as this. The film is actually quite funny to anyone who is even passingly familiar with the novel or particularly the 1932 movie version. But like many subtle forms of humor, spoofery is never well received by an "uneducated" audience. Perhaps that is this film's only real fault; it lacks general appeal, because only true affacianadoes of the genre would get all the jokes." - Hal Ledbetter Dead People = Burning Lots of Oil for Movie Fires "I am a bit offended about you openning statement on the "Gulf War". The fact of the matter is _there was a war_, there were people fighting against each other, and _there were people dying_. The way that you've introduced your commentary would offend any participant of this war. Instead of actually commenting on the plot and craftmanship of the movie, you have proceeded to make a political statement of your beliefs. That's your opinnion and I respect it, but stick to the matter at hand. Just comment on the movie itself. I by the way thought that the movie was pretty accurate, and portrayed what actually happens out in the battlefield. I must agree that Meg Ryan's accent was funny, but remember that she played only a minor part, this was really a Denzel Washington movie. I suggest that in the future you stick solely to the commentary of the movie and not of your politaical beliefs. BTW I am not saying that this war was right, but remember people were just doing what there government asked them to do." -Alice Dossett, re: Courage Under Fire I Have 1:57, Actually "Man, do you know what time it is? I know I am a bit late with my comment about Clockers, but the film just started last week in Berlin, Germany. How could you write such ingnorant *?$§%&/ about that film? Did it ever occur to you that a film does not to have highlight after highlight to bring a message? And maybe the whole film was not about drugs but how to live in the ghetto, how to get along. And what about racism??? I do not think it is just out of fun that one becomes a "clocker". And the music in the film is great, it does not disturb the scenery but just gives it a proper support." -Claudia Stäuble, Berlin, Germany I Give Your Letter One Star -- It Was Short and Annoying "I give this movie 4 stars. I give your review one star - it was just plain bad, and annoying." - Alandar, re: Batman Forever Looks Like You Ran Out of Memory Three Years Ago, Dave "I just finished reading your review of The Doom Generation, and yes, these are the raving of a madman. I entirely disagree with your comments on this beautiful film. You obviously DO NOT have a understanding of the intentions' of Araki. There are so many discrepancies with your review that if I decided to respond in detail I would run out of memory. Obviously, you didn't see past the surface of the film. The most frightening thing about The Doom Generation isn't it violence, sex (which are some of the most beautiful love making scenes I have ever seen), or the "profane language", it is the message illustrating the death of western civilization. Sorry buddy this is the world you and I live in, and Keneau Reeves is a reflection of this sick and twisted capitalist world, not the James Duval character. There are more apocalyptic messages in the "real" world, than in Araki's film we either choose to ignore them, or are forced to do so by Government, observe your surroundings. I realize you probably think I'm this prophetic loser, but l assure you, you do not need to be prophet to see this coming." - David Carruthers Yeah, Eraser Was the Best Movie Ever "I can quickly see that your work as a film critic leaves a lot to be desired. Eraser was a very good movie. I can see you missed on Birdcage also, it was below average. What we need is this country is a critic of film critics." - Larry Carder But We Always Pan the Hollywood Hits! Jason, Help Us Understand! "I just got finished reading your review of Stealing Beauty, and all I have to say is F*** Y**!!!!!!! If you liked The Last Emperor your an idiot who adhears to all of societies "current" demands." - Jason Gearlds Um, No. "[Regarding Dragonheart]: you don't know nothing. i bet you hated Fargo, right Fargohater?" - Stuart C. Cohen We Always Leave Or Brain at Home -- We Wouldn't Want It To Get Stolen! "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?! Why on Earth did you give Twister *3 1/2? I was also wondering if you always have no brain, or if it's just when you were reviewing Twister, the movie horrible." - Ralph Gilmore Unfortunately, We Don't Get to Pick the Movies That Are Made... "I would like to let you know that as I was reading your review of the film Jane Eyre I could've sworn it had been written by a 14 year old boy. Maybe I'm right. If you didn't like the book to begin with, please tell me why see a film that has been lauded as being "true to the book"? It is quite easy to sit on one's behind and completely degrade all the work that goes into a film of this magnitude. Do not get me wrong, I don't think every film is brilliant or innovative, but as a film student I'm aware of how much goes into the work. You barely could come up with reasons why you disliked the film other than jumping on the bandwagon and mocking the acting, even as far as making derogatory comments about one of the protagonist's physicall [sic] features. I see there hasn't been much change since the time you were in high school using cliff notes [sic] to the present day with such a banal excuse for a review." - Irina Rodriguez We've Tasted Your Cousin, and Frankly, He's a Bit Gamy "How dare you! I'm an English major at Northern Illinois University, and my eight-year-old cousin has more taste and delicacy than you, monkey boy! Jane Eyre is one one the finest works of English literature. It tells the story of a young woman who, although she is not beautiful, possesses morality and intelligence and she wins the love of her rich employer. Franco Zeffirelli himself said that "these are contemporary figures. This woman is today." Jane Eyre is hardly outdated. It involves many issues that we are still struggling with today. But perhaps you don't throughly understand literary criticism. Perhaps you live in hut, drink beer, stratch yourself, burp frequently, and read marvel comics. I'm sorry, but you possess the sensibility of a small piece of lint, and cannot tell the awful from the sublime. Maybe you should get down from your high horse and read a novel about the truth, passions, and ideals of the human race. This is what we are. We write literature to express our intermost souls; it is not written so that we can through it away barbarically, like unthinking, unfeeling savages. You, of course, probably feel that "Field and Stream" or "Flyfishing Monthly" are excellent examples of literature. I pity you. I earnestly hope, however, that men like you are rarities, and I know that the only real men are the ones that are warm, sensitive, and intelligent. By you're choice of literarure, you are not a real man. P.S. You belong on a deserted island, primeval monkey-boy! Ooga-ooga! Ug-ug!" - Anonymous Thanks For Making an Exception Just This Once "I would normally do anything as rude as send personal hate-mail to a movie reviewer, but I must say that your recent review of Jane Eyre was possibly the worst movie review I've ever read. The novel upon which this (not perfect by any means but still quite good) movie was based has been immensely popular eversince it was published 150 years ago and there's a reason for that which you are apparently unable or (I suspect) unwilling to understand. Slamming a movie for poor direction, or poor acting, or poor production, etc., is acceptable, even if I don't agree with you, but slamming a movie because it's based on a Classic you didn't particularly like without ever actually addressing the merits (or lack thereof) of the film is inexcusable from somebody who purports to be a legitimate reviewer." - Trent Smith We Sell It, Actually! Visit Our filmcritic.com Merchandise Shop! "What were you smoking while watching this movie [If Lucy Fell], I'd love to get some. " - Vincent Gagliardo How About a List of "Lois" Armstrong's Songs? "[Regarding Georgia] What can I say? I just don't think that we share the same sensibilities. I would appreciate it if you removed me from your list of subscribers. Btw, I think that you should.......ah, whom cares what I think. You can't legislate peoples sensibilities, can you? I think you are a movie critic for the shallow end of the "gene pool", thats all. Nothing personal you understand. It all started with that lazy, mis-informed, and mis-interpreted review of Lars Von Trier's The Kingdom. I don't care whether you liked it or not. But the fact that you failed to list his previous films and the type of filmmaker that he is is unexcusable. He is a true visionary whether you like his films or not. I for one qam tired of your shody reviews and the disservice that you are giving the cyber film community. P.S. What can I say? You want nice? Go tell your parents about Apollo 13. Im for one am tired of all the "cyber critics". You are the worst type of critic. You are a passive movie goer. Its like Lois [sic] Armstrong said about jazz, "you can't explain it, either you get it, or you don't"." - Jack Linos, Cleveland, Ohio [$.25 to the first person who can understand a word of this.] Now You're a Lowly Hate Mail Writer... Not Exactly Trading Up "As a respectied educator of music, I am not happy with your description of a music teacher (such as in Mr. Holland's Opus) as a "lowly band teacher." How disrepectful." - Cynthia Shirk Hmmm... Is That Cabbage? "How is it possible, that a youth such as yourself, can make a judgement on any film. You give this movie [Jumanji] a 3 star rating yet you fail to realize one thing. If you are going to blast a film for the effects and plot you may as well go all the way and rate it accordingly. Otherwise, mind your own business, and keep your opinions to yourself. Remember: Opinions are like assholes, the more you speak them the more you smell like Roger Ebert's." - "Mr. White" We'd Love to See the Business Plan! "I have been reading your reviews on the Internet for awhile. I like movies so much that I own and operate a modest, profitable, video store. I have come to the realization that like the more famous network critics, your reviews have forgotten the reason for movies: entertainment, that, "let's forget what, who and where we are" medium. I must take a moment to thank you. I have used your reviews as a barometer, the more you dislike a movie, the more I buy deep (buy more copies). The more you like a movie, the less I buy. If you think the movie is great (The Piano), I skip it. With support of other reviewers, this formula has given me a a nice business. Thanks. PS: I'll buy about 20 copies of Net when it comes out, as opposed to a probable 5 for the genre." - Anonymous Of ALL TIME? "How could you rate is *1/2??? It is the best movie of all time I thought. !!!!!! Probably because she one of my favorite actresses. " - Tyrel Burton, regarding Clueless and Alicia Silverstone He's the Man in the Brown Van That Drops Off the Packages? "...And this proves my point that you are no Batman fan if you don't know Two-Face Harvey Dent. OK, I admit I have not seen the show. But all I'm saying is that you definitely don't know the REAL DARK KNIGHT." - a guy calling himself "Caped Crusader," re: Batman Forever Fan Mail / Hate Mail Page 1 Fan Mail / Hate Mail Page 2 |
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