Part terrorism thriller and part teen sex romp, Clandestinos heads in both directions simultaneously and can't help but tear itself apart. If it's meant to be a treatise on the threat posed by Spain's Basque separatist movement to the citizens of Madrid, then perhaps all the slutty girls and horny boys should have been saved for another screenplay.

We meet up with Xabi (Israel Rodriguez) (it's pronounced "shabby"), Driss (Mehroz Arif), and Joel (Hugo Catalan) as they are escaping from a provincial Spanish juvenile detention center. Of the three teens, Xabi, a native Basque and aspiring terrorist, is the leader. Driss is an illegal Moroccan immigrant who sticks by Xabi's side simply because it seems to be his best option, and Joel is a native Mexican who's looking for a good time and finds it with two chicas they meet on a bus to Madrid.

Once in the big city, Xabi hopes to hook up with his Basque terrorist mentor Inaki (Luis Hostalot) and plan something big. In the meantime, he and Driss squat in Inaki's old apartment and head out to shop for powdered sulfur and potassium nitrate. The ease with which they buy their bomb-making ingredients and test their devices in a crowded apartment building with impunity are the funniest aspects of the movie.

Xabi also sets out to make a few Euros by hustling. His first trick just happens to be a police chief (Juan Luis Galiardo), a glitch that will cause him trouble later on but that also gives him the chance to steal a gun. But finding Inaki turns out to be tough, mainly because Inaki doesn't want to be found. A far more serious terrorist, he's driving around with a trunk full of C-4 and doesn't want to reunite with his young acquaintance.

Surprisingly enough, Xabi and Driss actually have some success, so to speak, with their homemade bomb, but their situation is doomed to devolve not only because the anti-terror squads are bound to be on their tail but also because the comically slutty girls with whom Driss and Joel have shacked up start to have suspicions.

While the action here is exciting, the tone is all off. Since when is terrorism a lark, and if writer/director Antonio Hens wants to portray it that way, then what is his ultimate point? Even worse, he delivers an ending that is just plain wrong. It's his movie and his script, but sometimes you just gotta say no way, dude. It's such a lousy feeling to be so disappointed in a movie's final moments. Despite winning performances all around, Clandestinos is skippable. It should have been more Munich, less Losin' It.



Needs a silencer, for starters.