Essentially a promotional film (a big music video, really) for the Atlantis resort in the Bahamas (the DVD is actually preceded by a commercial for the resort), Holiday in the Sun takes those oh-so-precious Olsen twins to the sunny beach for madcap hijinks. Daddy's so rich he has a private plane! He flies it himself! There's waverunners (chapter 3 of the disc: "I feel the need... the need for speed."), horseback riding, a bitchy rival after their man, plenty of slow-motion, and, wouldn't ya know it, an antiques smuggling ring to bust up.

In case you're worried about the authenticity of this adventure, the front cover of the movie assures us it was "filmed at the Bahamas." (Not in the Bahamas, of course.) No antiques were harmed in the making of the film. No brain cells will be challenged during the viewing. The Olsens executive produced the film themselves.

For once, the atrocity that is this film has left me speechless. I simply cannot describe its horror any further. For God's sake, parents, please pass this one by at your video store. Do it for the children. Do it for the world.